musings.....

A sentimental fool...

2011-11-21T13:30:00.005-05:00

We were at a batchmates's son's first birthday party yesterday. It was a boisterous affair, and we both had tons of fun - we played our part, we were the sociable guests that tell a good story. As I glanced at this wingie/department-mate/now-social-group-mates - she was pacifying her son, being a good host and such - I saw her best friend, helping out, pitching in, being the insider.

I must admit, a pang of nostalgia/remorse/wee bit of jealousy hit me. I started thinking back to my days in college - my best friends, my closest gang, my peeps - a group of boys and girls (now men and women) I regret that a few of them aren't a part of my life anymore, a few of them just fell by the wayside due to various reasons - timezones, life pressures, babies , what-have-yous. A few of them are still in touch through the million+1 ways of hyper connectedness today - you know what everyone is upto or whats on their minds. With a very few of them its like things never changed.

When I see a group of girls having wing-meets and google-hangouts and wing-skype-lachha sessions, I admit I feel left out. Yes, my husband and I are best friends and we share everything in our lives and I am extremely grateful to God for his presence in my life. I do miss my girlfriends though - all the ones I've made over the years and all the ones that God gave me by way of family. I am in touch with all of them in one way or another - actively or passively, I care for them all in different ways, and I know they wish me only the best.

And then there is the one I lost - for no reason. Or maybe there were reasons, I don't know. And yes, I have told myself a million times that I have tried my best to change that and I can do no more. But when I see my friends, with their BFFs, pacifying each others babies, serving cakes and being there for each other, I do miss her. Call me a sentimental fool but sometimes, there is still that lump in my throat whenever I pass by an Espirit store or listen to Moulin Rouge.

I just hope that when it comes by turn to have these baby-thingies, I'll have my BFFs around me, the ones who I am fortunate to have in my life. They won't be social guests that tell a good story, they'll be the one serving cake.

Harvard Business Review and marriage...

2011-10-29T05:25:00.005-04:00

Another insightful article on the HBR blog today, can be read here.

Essentially, this blog refers to a paper that describes the four elementary forms of social relationships :

Family : Everyone shares, unconditionally, no one keeps score.

Neighborhood : Don't share equally , but strive for equality (If you have a flat tire, your neighbor might lend a hand. It would be strange to pay him, but you might lend him something as a way to say thanks).

Hierarchy : Everyone does as they are told, everyone has a defined role.

Market : Everyone is paid their worth.

Further, the blog goes on to articulate why in the best work environments, there is always a mixture of both hierarchy and neighborhood. Treating employees like family would be unfair, as not everyone could pull their weight equally, and a market-type scenario could be detrimental as well. After all employees generally get paid less than what they could get in the open market, which is why consultant wages are higher.

This made me think about marriages. Specifically in context of the Indian marriage in my parent's day and age. A majority of marriages in those days were arranged - thus limiting what we today call "free will". In fact, there are parts of the Indian society even today, where it is the oldest living relative of the family that would make decisions about who the younger ones marry. In that sense, there is a definite sense of structure there, with the elders playing a superior role. But it isn't all hierarchy - there is an element of "market" there as well - elements like financial standing, caste, class etc. inherent in any mating ritual, arranged or not. The "neighborhood" piece comes into play as well when the couple gets married - the extended family of in-laws behave in this manner with each other, friendly but not intimate. And finally there is the family piece - the couple themselves sticking through highs and lows, going the extra mile to make sure the family stays together. Divorce rates in those days were pretty low, partly due to the hierarchy of the social structure, partly due to disparity in the "market" but also due to people's attitude towards marriage.

Modern day pop psych states unequivocally that couples have a much greater chance of making it if they go down the aisle thinking that marriage is forever. Maybe that's what the society then gave couples , whether by the form of social taboo about separation or otherwise. But that set-up did come with some built-in checks and balances. Both sides of the family were heavily involved in the couples life, and decision making. That took the modern day individualism out of the equation, but it did build in some conflict resolution and free marriage advice, things that are available today for 200 dollars an hour. Moreover, couples that lived in the joint family setup lacked what we cherish today, privacy. Their marriage had to be conducted in the public, very voyeuristic glare of the extended relatives, friends, family and the maids. There was pressure on them to have kids as soon as they were married. All their decisions were dictated by someone else. But amidst it all, most of those marriages survived.

One possible explanation of this could be the "common enemy" theory. When you think about it, the most powerful social groups you've formed , right from high school to college, have been through common interests, but more importantly,a common enemy. The other explanation could be that if you have an active conflict with someone else, you are more likely to bond with your spouse because your negative energy has an external sink, and this could have prevented couples from turning against each other.

Marriages in those days were, by no means perfect. I know I have personally judged the marriages of people in my previous generation, and sometimes quite harshly. As much has they condemn modern day , free will ones with disappearing gender roles and skyrocketing divorce rates. But then,there is the question of what defines a successful marriage ? If a couple stays under the same roof, just because of social pressures or because it is convenient , but the communication has completely stopped, would you still classify that as a successful marriage ? Similarly, what is a good enough reason to leave ? Where would you draw the line ?

Maybe in today's world, a successful marriage has the family element to it, the unconditional love bit. But it also has a bit of the neighborhood element as well, which lets you keep your individuality, and yet function as a successful couple. This way your identity doesn't just dissolve into the larger, common social/family unit but thrives independently, thus bringing a better part of yourself to the relationship.

Thoughts ?

The return home....

2011-10-25T04:22:00.010-04:00

This post had to be written. However, the timing couldn't be better.

Two posts brought be back from my blogging ennui. They are here and here.

Without going into the details of these posts, let me summarize - two different authors have returned to India after a period of time and talk about their experiences.

In my personal journey - I've lived various parts of south India until 17, at which point I moved to North India to spend the next four years of my life. I left India to move to the U.S. a week after I turned 21 , where I lived in about four different cities over the next seven years of my life. I then decided to move again, this time to the U.K.. We've moved around a fair bit when I was growing up, and I am no stranger to uprooting yourself from a place , moving and starting all over. I've done this quite a few times in my life.

Change of any kind is hard. No matter how used to it you get. Status-quo is just fine, it will do, it has done. It's much easier to stay in your comfort zone than to adapt to new things. And , the older you are, the harder it gets. Also, bear in mind that all these moves so far related to me, mostly. I was the only one living with the consequences of each decision to move, the good and the bad. But it is going to be different now, the next move we make, has to work for both of us. And at some point, there will be more of us involved - his parents,mine, siblings,nephews, our own kids someday. That definitely complicates the decision to move back. And yes, there are financial and lifestyle implications of that decision as well. And of course, there are blindspots - unforseen circumstances and such.

The move from India to the west happens for reasons we all know - better education, better job prospects, money, lifestyle. Things that for most people, would have been hard to get in India, for various reasons. But what motivates people to move back ? I think therein lies the heart of the issue. Every country, every culture comes with its own charecteristics. The author of the NYtimes article claims that the Indian society dehumanizes people.It also makes references to inherent casteism, rampant even in the modern day Indian society. I don't question the veracity of this argument, not for one second. But it is also worth keeping in mind that people aren't ideal - neither are countries and cultures.

The other day, I saw this discussion on British television , where the prime minister addressed the issue of adoption in this country. In this country, black kids are three times less likely to be adopted than white kids,mainly due to the social workers not giving up black kids to white homes for adoption. Yes, it has become a political issue, with parties calling it apartheid-style discrimination. But let's put that side and view it differently for a minute. Imagine the practical difficulties of a black kid growing up in white family - the effect it would have on the child growing up. How would the grandparents, siblings and neighbors, schoolmates accept this child ? What effect would it have on a young child during impressionable years when the identity is still being formed ? It is the job of the social worker to consider all these elements and determine what's best for the child.

A colorblind society is a recipe for disaster. The best cultures move to a place where they understand, acknowledge and appreciate the differences, maybe even celebrate them. Colorblind means closing your eyes and saying no differences exist - color-appreciative means you acknowledge the differences, accept and imbibe them into your cultural fabric. India's casteism is not much different from the racial paradigms, and the issues that the west is trying to solve for.

The return back home is bittersweet. It's a country you know, and a culture that defines you. And yet, you are somehow removed from it. It is like the ability to act in a play and watch it from the sidelines at the same time. We've all read many a book and seen many a movie that talks about immigrant woes. But what an amazing opportunity to carve out a new world for yourself ? One that isn't bound and defined by where you are from or where you live but by who you choose to be ?

After all, isn't that the freedom that propelled a lot of us to pack up, move and explore ?

What makes a life well-lived ?

2011-08-20T14:57:00.004-04:00

Just heard of a batch-mate's demise. Really sad news, especially since it came during a phone call to wish another friend for his birthday. Had a college reunion type get together last month. All of us in the age group of 27 - 30 - married, or engaged-about-to-be-married soon. One couple had an eight month old baby. That's the routine, isn't it ? undergrad - grad school - internships-car - jobs - money - gf/bf/arranged meetings - courtship - marriage - house- kid - another kid etc. Just going through life...

But what if life doesn't quite pan out in that order, in quite those timelines ? Life sometimes takes a detour - I've seen people who've chosen alternate careers - stand up, music, non-profit, teaching, you name it. I've also seen people who've chosen or have come into a different personal journey. Some have chosen to travel the world for years. Is one life choice really better than the other ? Will the stable-bank-account-house with picket fence-two-kids person regret not living the travelling carefree life ? Will the vagabond regret not having a home and a partner to come back to ? Who knows ?

And then you have those whom life has decided to bestow something else upon - crippling illnesses, family burdens, and such. Is it really fair to compare within your peer group ? How would you even go about such an endeavour? On the other hand, humans are a social lot, living in communities and societies that make up a part of who we are. Is it realistic to completely do away with peer comparison ? Where does one draw the line between healthy and unhealthy peer pressure ?

And then you have the few batch mates that are no longer with us. Like this one. This wasn't a friend, barely even an acquaintance. It took a few Facebook clicks to place this one. But it doesn't matter - this is someone who shared a unique college experience spanning four years with me. The social group - the shared attributes over the past four years. He was there when BITS student association elected its first woman president, he was there when the IPC (Computer centre) decided to let its students wear footwear inside the lab, he was probably there in the Auditorium, raucously cheering during the Ind vs Aus final of 2003. He graduated, interned somewhere, had a job, was married for less than a year, like most of us in his peer group. And just like that, he is no more.

It really does put life in perspective, days like this. In the final analysis, what makes a life well lived ?

A completely unscientific take on Chemistry...

2011-08-18T13:00:00.005-04:00

Husband and I were watching something on TV and chanced on a Jerry Springer outtake - a trans woman having a meltdown. This led us to a discussion of the hows and whys of such a procedure , if you can call it that. How does a man act, feel and gesture like a woman ? Is it an acquired trait, like an accent ? Is it all down to hormones at the end of it ? At the end of it, is it all down to biochemistry ? In that case, can you engineer anyone to act and behave like someone else ?

This led me to think about other things. Like the way we seek a partner. Everyone has thought about this at some point in their lives. Thought about what makes a man and a woman special to each other ? Is it physical chemistry, is it intellectual and emotional compatibility ? Is it humor, is it the ability to laugh and have fun ? What makes a couple tick ?

And then of course, the societal mores. The peer influence, the worry about old age, having kids and such. Every race, every ethnicity has their own peer pressure to deal with, when it comes to relationships and marriage. Even the most liberal ones. After all, late twenties-early thirties is when a majority of people find love, get married, have kids , not necessarily in that order.

What I think it boils down to is this : There is the "you" piece, and then the "us" piece. Both pieces are equally important. Each individual has to go through a personal journey before which they are ready to be an "us". To some that journey is pretty short, they seem to be prepared for it since childhood. To some others, it involves a soul searching journey of meeting and making friends, falling in love, career, money, travel - all of this somehow contribute to getting them to a place of relationship readiness. That is the you piece.

And then there is the us piece - the part where chemistry happens, you both hit it off. All about compatibility and such. Much has been written about why we marry the people we marry - tons of theories about chemical composition, hormones, psychological reasons, sociological, anthropological - you name it. This particular emotion has been the most well-researched topic of modern times, and entire multi-billion dollar film industries depend on it. So I won't comment on this piece, except say the most cliched thing in the book - When it happens , it happens.

So then there is the timing bit - when you both are at that place in your personal journeys where if you meet the right person, you'll give it what it takes - your everything. Right person, right timing. I guess thats what it comes down to.

The mom-daughter saga....

2011-07-01T12:07:00.005-04:00

I recently read a blog by a woman who is the mother of two girls. She talks about how she envies what the daughters have with their dad.

It made me start thinking about my own relationship with my dad, a father of two girls. I can only imagine how lonely it must have been for my dad to go without male bonding in the house as we were growing up. Girls are fun to watch grow, they can be pampered, spoiled , I suppose. And every dad is possessive of his daughters, in the sense of protecting them from the harsh adult and sometimes male-dominated world. Being a man himself, every dad feels like they know how the male psyche works, and hence are protective about their daughters.

My dad was different. I don't think I've ever seen him worried about any of our male companionships, even the ones we were interested in as more than friends. No, that was my mom's job - to worry. To worry about what we wore, how we spoke, who we talked to , who we would marry. In a way, that was, and is, a reflection on her. My sister and I didn't make the choices that my mom did. We are not stay at home wives, we don't dress the way she did, we wear make up, we have careers, we've lived away from home many years, travelled on our own, and we have male friends. Many of the restrictions that my mom had growing up did not apply to our household. And although she is proud of the women we have become, a part of her does feel rejected and hurt because we didn't make the choices she did. And she partly blames my dad for the missteps that were a part of our coming of age. I am married now, and my relationship with my mother-in-law, and even my husband is still all attributable and is a reflection of, the way she raised me. I can only imagine what kind of pressure my grandma put on my mom in those days.

I always think of my mom has a daddy's girl.When she was growing up, my granddad was quite strict in terms of what they could listen on the radio or what kind of clothes they had to wear. And yet, it was her relationship with her mom that was more complicated. The mom and daughter relationship, is very confusing. From a very early age, we look to moms to understand how to be a female. And with the rapidly changing gender equations of our generation, we are often on our own when it comes to figuring out what feminity means in today's world - work-life balance, how to be career woman in the outside world - assertive and confident, while still being the nurturer at home. I often think many of the strong opinions we have about our moms are often a reflection of our own fears - our insecurities and shortcomings mirrored in our mothers behaviour. It is unfair, as we don't put that kind of pressure on our dads.

My husband has it all figured out - If we have a girl child, she is not allowed to date until she's 25. I get the feeling he'll get away with such stuff, it's me she'll blame anyway :)

Complex, confusing,frustrating, fulfilling - it's what makes the mom-daughter bond enduring and enigmatic.

நாளை வதுவை மணமென்று நாளிட்டு.....

2011-04-12T16:51:00.001-04:00

வாரணமாயிரம் சூழ வலம் செய்து

நாரணன்நம்பி நடக்கின்றான் என்றெதிர்

பூரண பொற்குடம் வைத்துப் புரமெங்கும்

தோரணம் நாட்டக் கனாக்கண்டேன் தோழீநான்.

நாளை வதுவை மணமென்று நாளிட்டு

பாளைகமுகு பரிசுடைப் பந்தற்கீழ்

கோளரிமாதவன் கோவிந்தன் என்பானோர்

காளை புகுதக் கனாக் கண்டேன் தோழீ நான்.

இந்திரனுள்ளிட்ட தேவர் குழாம் எல்லாம்

வந்திருந்து என்னை மகள் பேசி மந்திரித்து

மந்திரக் கோடி உடுத்தி மணமாலை

அந்தரி சூட்டக் கனாக் கண்டேன் தோழீ நான்.

நாற்றிசைத் தீர்த்தங் கொணர்ந்து நனி நல்கி

பார்ப்பனச் சிட்டர்கள் பல்லார் எடுத்தேத்தி

பூப்புஉனை கண்ணிப் புனிதனோடு என்று அன்னை

காப்பு நான் கட்டக் கனாக் கண்டேன் தோழீ நான்.

கதிரொளி தீபம் கலசமுடன் ஏந்தி

சதிர் இள மங்கையர்தாம் வந்தெதிர் கொள்ள

மதுரையார் மன்னன் அடிநிலை தொட்டு எங்கும்

அதிரப் புகுதக் கனாக் கண்டேன் தோழீ நான்.

மத்தளம் கொட்ட வரிசங்கம் நின்றூத

முத்துடைத் தாமம் நிரை தாழ்ந்த பந்தல் கீழ்

மைத்துனன் நம்பி மதுசூதன் வந்து என்னைக்

கைத்தலம் பற்றக் கனாக் கண்டேன் தோழீ நான்

வாய்நல் லார்நல்ல மறையோதி மந்திரத்தால்,

பாசிலை நாணல் படுத்துப் பரிதிவைத்து,

காய்சின மாகளி றன்னானென் கைப்பற்றி,

தீவலம் செய்யக்க னாக்கண்டேன் தோழீநான்.

இம்மைக்கு மேழேழ் பிறவிக்கும் பற்றாவான்,

நம்மையு டையவன் நாராய ணன்நம்பி,

செம்மை யுடைய திருக்கையால் தாள்பற்றி,

அம்மி மிதிக்கக் கனாக்கண்டேன் தோழீநான்.

வரிசிலை வாண் முகத்து என்னைமார்தாம் வந்திட்டு

எரிமுகம் பார்த்து என்னை முன்னே நிறுத்தி

அரிமுகன் அச்சுதன் கைம்மேல் என் கை வைத்து

பொரிமுகம் தட்டக் கனாக் கண்டேன் தோழீ நான்.

குங்குமம் அப்பிக் குளிர் சாந்தம் மட்டித்து

மங்கலவீதி வலம்செய்து மணநீர்

அங்கு அவனோடும் உடன் சென்று அங்கு ஆனை மேல்

மஞ்சனம் ஆட்டக் கனாக் கண்டேன் தோழீ நான்.

ஆயனுக்காகத் தான் கண்ட கனாவினை

வேயர்புகழ் வில்லிபுத்தூர்க்கோன் கோதை சொல்

தூய தமிழ்மாலை இரைந்தும் வல்லவர்

வாயு நன்மக்களைப் பெற்று மகிழ்வரே.

On the Sun and such...

2011-01-14T09:08:00.000-05:00

How did the rose
ever open its heart
and give to this world all of its beauty?

It felt the encouragement of light against its being,
otherwise we all remain too
frightened.

--------------------------
Even after all this time
The sun never says to the earth
"You owe me!"
Look what happens with a love like that
It lights up the whole sky

-- Hafiz

Travelogue..

2010-08-15T20:13:00.017-04:00

I had written this but didn't post it until August of 2011. Here is the original travelogue :

https://sites.google.com/site/vivitsagoestoeurope/

Larry King was interviewing Shawn Johnson. Something about a stalker and such. A group of very enthusiastic school kids from Spain were waiting to board the flight to Madrid. My flight to Heathrow was delayed by an hour. This was perfect, I got to catch up with all my friends, say goodbye, and get started on "Dear John". The last minute stress of packing, activating international roaming and the like was starting to take a toll on me. I had "Dear John" and "Twilight" on the agenda to finish during this vacation. I had received two clear instructions, one from friends and one at work. One was not to have any agenda, the other was to quit checking email. I was surprised at how well I followed both.

I landed in Heathrow, bright and early at 6 30 AM on the 28Th. The airport was relatively quiet, I

got through immigration and customs in no time. I saw a uniformed cosmos driver, waited for another crabby old lady west Indian lady from Queens (remember this one for a funny anecdote later) and drove to the hotel. I settled in, grabbed a tube map and was on my way, this was exciting !

My first stop was near the Big Ben, that's when I eyed two important things. One is the roadside shop with the Union Jack hats that Joey stops for F.R.I.E.N.D.S. , the other was a yummy pancake/waffle shop. I made my way to the London Eye. The crowds were unbelievable, but not unlike my daily commute. Remember the annoying tourists that get in the way in NYC when I am trying to get to work every day? Well, I was one of them now.

I took in everything, the crisp summer day, the huge influx of middle eastern tourists sporting the head gear and Prada bags,the desi influence in normal cuisine, the accents and the like. I paid almost double the price to get an express pass to go on the London Eye. The views were panoramic, but I am not sure it was worth the price. I loved the Cornetto stalls everywhere, felt very reassuring. They had new flavors, well "new" according to me, anyway. Must have been about 9 years since I had one.

I was able to get some good shots of the Royal Albert Hall , as I made my way out of there towards Westminster Abbey, and 10 Downing. I remembered my history lessons and the famous people who were buried there, but I could only come up with a few. My sleep debt was beginning to catch up with me, and I decided to get over to a friend's place for the night.

Part of the reason I decided to make this trip alone was that I needed a change. So meeting familiar faces wasn't really a big objective of this trip, but these guys were different. We hadn't met in a while, and we had things to catch up. It was amazing how our lives had changed and taken drastically different directions in the past 2 years. It just goes to show how nothing in life is permanent but change.

The next day, I was in front of the Buckingham palace, bright and early. It worked out really well,because I was able to beat the crowds before it opened. This was a good time to take this trip in more ways than one. The Buckingham Palace is only open from end of July through October for public viewing.

No photography was allowed, which was great because it gave me the time to listen to the audio tour and actually take it all in. It was a palace alright - 17 staterooms, each with its own decor, antique elements, and style. The highlight of the trip was the exhibit " Queen's Year" - It had elements of her life from each season, complete with her dresses and insignia. To an outsider , it almost felt like the monarchy was trying to reach out to a broader audience, in hopes of preserving it's position in a new generation of Brits. Personally, the ostentatiousness was lost on me. On the one hand it is surprising that the country can find the funds to maintain a part of history, even though it is completely superfluous to today's world. Sure, she makes an appearance to start every new parliament session, and wears her robe. So ?

Anyway, the crowds had gathered to watch the change of guards, another non-event if you ask me. I made my way back to the hotel in time to join a group to go to the Tower of London. Tower of London is historic, the scene of many bloody battles, espionage and the like. I saw the historic Traitors Gate and other memorabilia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tower_of_London.

We then proceeded to see the crown jewels. There is a room containing the coat of arms for every dynasty which leads to the actual display of the crown jewels, orbs, sceptres,swords used during coronation and other important occasions. Yes, that pang of anger I felt on seeing the Kohinoor, housed in the queen mother's crown was palpable. The GBP is 72 Indian Rupees now, thank you colonial rule !

The next day we left from London by motor coach to Dover, from where we boarded the ferry to Calais, France. The ferry was similar to the one in Seattle, you could drive your cars into it. Huge food courts and duty free shopping , you are in France in no time. Funnily, I wasn't asked for my passport anywhere we crossed borders. We were getting ready to alight the ferry when I met the crabby old lady again. This time she was with a young Indian guy. Her intent was pretty obvious, and I tried to avoid it altogether and made banal small talk, waiting to alight. She must have been old enough to be my grand mom, that one. She wasn't even that nice to me on our way to the hotel, and she was on a different tour than mine. As if her intent wasn't evident, she turned to me and asked me , on my face, "Are you Single?". Me : Wow ! Talk about subtlety. "Hmm.. mmm.. Yes?" She : " You both should get together then" Me: *cringing* She : Pointing to him , You should ask for her number, you should exchange emails, go out. Me : DID she just SAY that out loud ?

It was SO funny, really,really embarrassing, and kind of endearing at the same time. There I was, standing on a ferry from Dover to Calais, on this vacation all by myself, thousands of miles away from everything. And there she is, a random old lady, trying to hook me up. Wow. I guess you can run, but you cannot hide. Also, people all over the world are not much different, when you think about it. They all value basic things - friendship, love, family. And the need to be part of a fairy tale. Ha ha.

Anyway, so that's where we met our actual tour group, my tour guide, and driver. More on my group later, but the important thing to remember is that I was fortunate to share this experience with such a fun loving, enthusiastic group. My experience was enriched by these guys - across languages, ages, gender and ethnicity. We made our way to Paris just in time to head out to see a Cabaret show "Lido". This was something like Broadway-meets-Vegas type risque drama/comedy/musical. The lighting, special effects and stage settings were amazing. There was a ten minute piece of Indian dancing, and music, complete with Ganesha and Elephants. Yes, scantily clad women and Ganesha. Bollywood is way more pervasive than we fathom.

We strolled through Champs-Élysées , caught the view of the Eiffel Tower by night.Paris is a city like no other. Now the French - Well, they think France is the greatest country in the world. The have Paris, the French Rivera, the alps, brie, baguettes, the most visited tourist destination in the world, can you blame them ? Anyway, they are very Chennai when it comes to their language. Let me explain. They will not speak to you in English, even if they know to speak it. You have to make an effort, least a "Bon Jour" type greeting, for them to try to communicate with you. I don't necessarily take offense. Ask my fellow Chennai brethren.

We started our tour , driving through Paris with a local guide the next day. It was hard to understand her accent, but she sure had character. We caught glimpses of the River Seine. You can see parts of the Seine river's embankments have been filled with sand. You can see cabanas, umbrellas and sunbathers. This is for people who cannot afford to get away, I am told. Thoughtful.

We passed the Louvre, the pyramid in front of the Louvre, et al and reached the cathedral of Notre Dame. I was speechless, I hadn't seen anything this magnificent in a long time. I was caught between listening to the tour guide, taking in the sight, or capturing it on camera. We exited and spent time at a gift store. I was thrilled to finally find clothes my size - T-shirts, sweatshirts and other souvenirs. We then drove through the city , and got off at Champs Elysees.

I decided against going to Versailles, opting instead to walk around the city. With a map in hand, a group of us enjoyed Paris by the day. Intermittent rains did not impede our journey. I ate Banana-Chocolate crepes at the roadside stall. Delicious. We walked to the Arc De Triomphe, and got some good shots, and then made our way towards the Lafayette mall , only to get lost. This just got more adventurous. We decided to take the RER back. Of course, all the ticket booths were written in French. We finally got someone to help us buy tickets and got on the right train. We reached the Lafayette Mall - The architecture is splendid. Paris is all wealth - I saw an obscene collection of high end, luxury brands. I was dizzy. I tried to make my way through the crowds and do some shopping, as I was thrilled that I finally see clothes my size. I didn't splurge though, I spent sensibly. I rejoined my tour group at the Opera house, and go back for some rest.

In the evening, we left to Monmartre. It is famous for it's Church, nuns who made wine and hence became the drinking district. It is also very artsy, bohemian. The Dalis and the Monets of the world lived and worked here. The church itself was very beautiful, and I felt like I was in a real place of worship - The silence, the candles light all over, the prayer books - it was crowded but not touristy. We then left to dinner.

So legend has it that when France was under siege, the troops hid in this mountain so they could get a clear view of the city, they prayed that if they ever got out alive, they'd construct the most beautiful chapel , and they did. But what is even more interesting, is that they ran out of rations and hence started cooking and eating cockroaches and frogs. Which explains some of the options on the dinner menu. Anyway , dinner was a fun affair, huge groups of Australian boorish travellers singing and dancing to keep us entertained. After the main course, there was a cheese course, where I sampled some very interesting cheeses. For dessert, I enjoyed profiteroles.

Overall, Paris was great, I just wish we had more time, I would have really loved to see the Louvre and pay a visit to Mona Lisa.

The next day we embarked on a journey to Lake Lucerne. It was the Swiss National Day so we saw a lot of flags and streamers, and we were excited about watching the fireworks from our hotel. I realized how American I've become in some ways. In my mind expected to see a pyrotechnic show rivalling the fourth of July fireworks. I saw instead, flowerpots and rockets, very similar to Diwali back home. It was fun nevertheless, until the rain Gods decided to make their appearance. The lake itself was so perfect, we bonded, took pictures and took a stroll. We came back and walked around the hotel , where there was a chapel on a hill, there were cute cobble stoned streets and bistros like in the picture book. As we walked around, we saw a gushing waterfall, between two houses. Just like that. I imagined what it would be like to live in a picture postcard, every single day .

That night was my birthday, I also got calls from my thoughtful friends. I knew this would be an unforgettable day. The next day as I got on the bus, the whole group loudly cheered and started singing to me. It was a great start to a day that only kept getting better and better. We left to Lucerne. The scenery cannot be adequately described. Words or pictures cannot do justice, so I won't even try. We went to see the statue of the sleeping lion, and then we embarked on a scenic cruise on the lake Lucerne. We saw the rich people's houses for a while. Again, I am not even going to describe it , I can supplement it with photos but they don't do justice either.

We came back to do some shopping in Lucerne. There were some freebies to take advantage of. A Rolex spoon , a chance to enter a lottery etc. The Swiss , unlike the French, are interested in , how do I put this, betterment of their economy. Ergo, they accept all currencies, speak English, and in general welcome tourists. I walked around scenic Lucerne, sat down and watched the swans float by, spoke to my parents. I was far, far away from home, although, the term "home" is pretty vague to me these days. I missed celebrating my birthday with family and friends, but this was new, exciting. After all, how often do you get to celebrate your birthday at 10,000 ft ?

I gathered some memorabilia to take home - mostly for my nephew. We then left to Mt.Titlis. This is a three step cable car, the first one seats only six people. Each car has a flag of a country, and of course, I had to get all high-school-nerdy and try to guess every flag. PS: It's amazing how much trivia you can forget as you grow. This is also home to the world's first revolving cable car. Pretty cool, except it was raining and a bit foggy as we went higher. There were also a few people who were scared of heights. Just as an FYI - The Swiss stress test these cable cars every year, after which they are passed on to the Italians, Romanians and so on. Note to self : Never take the cable car in Romania.

The top of Mt.Titlis was snowy and pristine. Of course, it was an Indian invasion out there, starting with a Rediwallah at the bottom of Titlis, serving hot samosas and chai , to the DDLJ cutout, to the Indian buffet and pizza, to photos of bolly actresses who've visited the place. Why ? Well, if you are even an occassional bollywood movie watcher, you'll know that roughly 98% of Hindi movies have a romantic song pictured atop a snowy mountain, replete with the scantily clad heroine making snow angels and the hero flaying his arms and joyful delight. Well, that snowy peak , is Mt.Titlis.

We came back, changed and headed to a fondue dinner, and Swiss folklore entertainment. Now, we got to hear the alpine horn, but more importantly , we got to see the other "musical instruments" at work. A broomstick and stick, a coin circling around a porcelain bowl and the like. Honestly that sound was terrible, like the chalk against the board. It was fun to hear the castanets and cowbells though. The troupe also sang me a Happy Birthday, that was a fun surprise. Midway through dinner, a fake cow made it's appearance through the tables, it was so funny to see people's reaction to something so obviously fake. It was a good try to break up what was getting to be a monotonous show. The grand finale was the yodeling. The troupe called volunteers on stage to yodel in front of the entire audience. I was volunteered by my group, I am glad I did. What followed was caught on tape, enough said. My raucous group carried it forward into the bus, by now we'd graduated to singing and dancing on the aisles. I was transported back to those carefree days of high school picnic, the singing, dancing, joking. Just what I wanted, what a perfect birthday !

The next day we left bright and early to the Italian speaking part of Switzerland, Lugano. Again, picturesque lakes and waterfalls, and a fresh farmers market. Lots of Gelato to be had, but I was saving up until we crossed the border to Italy. I bought fresh marmalade, and i mean, farm fresh. I'll still regret the carelessness of putting it in my cabin luggage , having to throw it away at Da Vinci. Oh Well. I did have some amazing hot chocolate and potato Quiche there. This was fun.

We left Lugano and proceeded to Italy. Again no border restrictions. Every rest stop we used throughout the trip had amazing food. No not the stale burgers, but fresh, hot food. We made our way to Verona, and I also finished reading "Twilight". The first hundred or so pages were pretty so-so, but it did get exciting after that. But nothing legendary about it, this book is no Harry Potter. It's more of an "I want to keep abreast of Pop-lit" more than anything.

We reached Verona, where we saw the Arena, and some naked statues. But Verona, is famous for Juliet's Balcony. OK,so Romeo and Juliet were a figment of Shakespeare's imagination. Legend has it that in those days, the famous writers took vacations in Italy, where they purchased stories from lesser known writers and passed it off as their own. The story of Romeo and Juliet is believed to have some resemblance to two warring families in Verona. Now, some say that the actual balcony was too dilapidated to use , so, this current balcony was chosen instead. There is also a statue of Juliet, and grazing her left boob is supposed to bring you luck in love. The crowds that throng this vague representation of a fictional place, is unbelievable. You can also see walls with graffiti , lovers names scribed. I caught a few funny ones on camera, including a huge "I love Jonas Brothers". There is also a letterbox, where you can write letters to Juliet. Yes, "Letters to Juliet" is set in Verona, where apparently a group of people answer these letters. I am not going to comment on the significance of this fictional place, I get that when you are in love, you just want something to believe in - fiction or real.

Before we proceed, a word about Italy's devotion to coffee. The baristas at self serves are not allowed to serve anything else, like sandwiches, as it is taboo to contaminate the sanctity of the coffee.

We made our way to the Queen of the Adriatic, Venice.We reached our hotel which was outside of Venice, parked at the parking island and took the ferry into the main island, where we were greeted by a nice , big rainbow. Venice, the place of my dreams. I had imagined it to be a lot smaller. It is a collection of islands, where nothing on wheels is permitted. There is a central parking island, from which there are ferries, boats and gondolas to navigate the city. Fake bag vendors and huge tourist crowds set the stage for what would be a memorable evening. We made our way through the crowds to get to Piazza San Marco - St.Marks square. I was not prepared for the magnificence of the architecture. It was simply breath taking, and again, no picture can do justice to what the eye can see.

We made our way to our dinner place. Dinner was a very interesting affair. At my table, sat an elderly couple from Buffalo, NY, an Australian-Italian , and a young Saudi couple. By some accident, the topic meandered into politics. It was very interesting to hear opposing viewpoints, especially how the world views the U.S. versus how they view themselves. An unlikely combination butted heads - The Italian-Australian , and the American lady. The Saudi couple were trying to break it up. Who'd have thought !

The next day, we reached Venice and started the day with a glass blowing demonstration. We saw the Murano art, the delicacy of the colors, and the painting on the glass. I was awed at the ease at which the master creates complex figurines from hot glass. I should upload those videos sometime.

This was followed by the much awaited Gondola ride, complete with the Serenader. He sung at the top of his voice, with such fervor, unmindful of the gawking tourists, as our gondola made its way through the narrow Venetian canals , and beautiful bridges. This was my fairy tale , right there.

Thanks to Rick Stevens, I had read that one should take the less touristy route around Venice to actually experience the city. So I started walking away from Piazza San Marco, and wandered through the streets of Venice, clicking pictures, eating at Bistros, and generally taking in the scene. It was a very hot summer day, and I was in Venice. Yes, the Venice we've read about in books and seen in movies.

We then proceeded by ferry to the colorful island of Burano, about forty minutes from Venice. We saw Casanova's house on the way. His claim to fame, by the way, is having had about two hundred nuns from the nearby church.

Burano, is an island famous for its brightly colored houses. There are many theories on how it came to be, some scandalous, some mundane.Burano, though, is famous for lace-making. It is here that we saw Olga, the famous lace maker, a wizened old lady, meticulously making lace by hand. We picked up a few more trinkets, and some lace items, savored the local delicacies and headed back to the hotel.

The next day, we continued our journey towards Florence. Florence is famous for leather goods, and our tour started with a leather making demonstration. It was rainy in Florence that day, and we decided to take a bit of a break from the tour. A group of us were sitting at this coffee shop. I had a very interesting conversation with an elderly American couple on the immigration issue in Arizona. It is one thing to be proud of your country, it's another thing to close your eyes , and pretend that it is a perfect country. Anyway, we then made our way to see the famous Michelangelo's "David". We strolled around the city, transported back to when Florence was the cradle of the renaissance. Our guide took us to an off the beaten path gelato place, where my obsession with Gelato began.

We reached Florence where we stayed the night. The region of Tuscany/Florence is famous for their saltless bread. Yes, no salt in the bread. It has to do with a maritime war between Pisa and Florence where Pisans levied high salt taxes, and the Florentinians showed dissent by baking bread without salt. We spent the evening chatting, strolling , playing cards and again, this was a throwback to summer holidays at Grandmas. I had no idea how much I missed those days.

The next day, we started to Pisa. The leaning tower had been closed for many years for renovation. The engineers re-tilted it by a few degrees , so it wouldn't topple over. It was a bright , sunny day, and there were many photo opps. Pisa has a disproportionate number of shops selling African merchandise, as does Venice.

Funny thing that happened, I was missing my purse. I had a big handbag full of stuff, and I had been warned about pickpoketers in Pisa. I had both my cell phones on me, and I was missing the tour director's number. Luckily I found someone in my group who had her number, so I called her, and she was able to call the driver and locate it at the motorcoach. Now, this event was fortuitious, because, an hour later, I missed my tour group, who had taken the train back to the motorcoach. I called my tour director, who asked me to get on an orange bus and get to the parking lot. Now, the streets of Pisa are narrow and crowded, I got on the first orange bus, which ,turns out, was proceeding in the opposite direction. Of course, no one spoke a word of English. I got off at a random intersection, to find my way back. My tour director spoke to a shop owner , who was trying to explain where I was, no avail. I somehow gathered that I had to walk back to the Tower, where Alex would meet me. After about 45 minutes of walking, I rejoined my tour group. It was an adventure to remember. Thank God for international roaming cell phones, and my carelessness in leaving behind my wallet, if not I wouldnt have had Alex's number handy.

We then proceeded to Rome, where we started with the Pantheon, many oblesisks, the column of Marcus Arelius, and after some yummy gelato , reached the Trevi fountain. Now, if you are in Italy, don't forget to try a variety of gelato, that's made of thick cream, it's much different from icecream, in that it's creamier, almost like eating a cold version of "Paal Kova". The flavors are amazing too. My personal favorte - Hazelnut.

After the mandatory coin drop at the Trevi, we made our way to the Spanish Steps. It was a bit of a hike to get to the top, where we made our way to have the best meal of the trip. Very fresh Caprese salads,bruschetta,Lasagna, Tiramisu - actually every meal in Italy has kind of morphed into one big delightful gastronomical event in my head at the time of writing. Italian men are famous for treating their women well, as you can see from the way they talk to you. You'll be called "Bella", meaning beauty. At the end of one dinner, the Chef came out with roses and a kiss in the cheek for all the ladies of my group. Loved it !

Now, I know I sound like a spoilt American teenager when I say this, but as much as I enjoyed the Pizza in Italy, but I didn't think it was out of the world. Gelato, yes. Pizza .. not so much. I guess if you live in NY and get used to the thin-crust, it comes very close so you don't miss a whole lot.

Our next day started off with what was my personal highlight for the trip - The Vatican ! We had to get there by eight o'clock. Being a Catholic country, most churches in Italy have a dress code. No bare shoulders or bare knees for women. And yet, the Burqa concept is so unfathomable to most Westerners. Anyway, much has been said about the Vatican, and I for one, couldn't get enough of the mystery, even as I was growing up, pre-Dan Brown era. Vatican is it's own soveriegn state, complete with huge walls, governed by the church. Vatican is one of the most visited places in the world, so we were dealing with a huge swarm of people. The guide did a great job of keeping us all together as she guided us through the Vatican museums. Tapestry, paintings, sculptures replete with history , felt surreal. She also took the time outside explain the paintings inside the Sistine Chapel, as there wasn't any talking allowed inside.

We must have spent about ten minutes inside the Sistine Chapel. It was an unreal experience for me. You've read about it in boring history classes, sure you've seen the paintings, talked about it, and read numerous fiction novels based on it. But it is nothing like being in there, a meditative, reflective trance, if you will. I don't remember opening my mouth or my camera for the rest of my stay at the Vatican. Most of my time was spent on the last judgement, my mind trying to take in as much as humanly possible, hoping to connect the dots later. Sistine Chapel also serves as the Papal conclave, where the next pope is chosen. We saw the chute from which smoke signals are sent as and when a decision is made.

We made our way to St. Peter's Bascilia. The oldest and largest church in existence, the seat of all Christian activity. I made a mental note to visit the Mecca at some point in time. St.Peter, one of the apostles, and successor the papal legacy , was buried here. The body of St. Paul, is also displayed for everyone to see. Entire treatises have been written on this subject, which for brevity reasons, will be a separate post. We made our way to see Michelangelo's Peita a reinaissance masterpeice. The detail on Virgin Mary's face, the expression of compassion, the strength with which she holds a grown Jesus supported on one arm, is incredible. We walked through the church and saw more sculptures and paintings and I was making as many mental notes as possible, hoping to draw inspiration for my book. But mostly I didn't ever forget that I was walking on hallowed grounds, where history was made.

A pizza & Gelato break later, we were on our way to the Colusseum. Now, vacationing on a package tour has pros and cons. You are obviously sticking to a schedule , for most of the day anyway, and lose some of the flexibility associated with travelling on your own. But my personal observation is that unless you have more than a month to travel Europe, it's not worth venturing on your own. Figuring out travel, hotels, sightseeing gotchas will definitely be more hassle than it's worth. But most importantly, we were able to bypass the huge ticket lines at every step, especially the at the Vatican and Colusseum. Those who know me will attest to the fact that standing in the heat for four hours at each location would not have been fun for me.

By this time, we were all exhausted. The heat was relentless, and we as a group had jelled so well and friendships had formed. Everyone forgot their daily life this period of time, and just let lose. The end was nearing, and we were all dealing with it in our own ways. I for one, was going to postpone the inevitable until I got to the airport. I could deal with all my to-do's on my flight home.

As we smiled for a group shot, we knew this trip was unforgettable to everyone, in their own way. This trip meant things to people - to one, it was returning to his motherland after 20 years, to another, it was seeing her mom after 11 years, to someone else, it was the last family vacation before the kids went to college. To some, it was another tick on the map hanging at home.To a young dad, this was his birthday gift to his daughter, to make up for his years of absence in her life. This trip marked the end of things to some, new beginning to others. To a convalescing mom, it was an escape from her daily battle, something her family will cherish and talk about in the years to come, as the future was uncertain. To the proverbial american teenager, it was the realization that a world exists outside of the States. To an elderly couple, it was the realization of all things ancient, and how things in the U.S. seem too recent in comparison.

To yet another family, it was the joyous celebration of being alive. They had escaped wars in their motherland, lived in hiding and fear in random countries before moving to the states and building a home and a life from scratch. To yet another young couple, it was their honeymoon. A honeymoon they could spend, opening expressing affection, something thats forbidden in their country. To the teenage wife, it meant meeting people her same age, leading drastically different lives talking about boys, parties or curfew. It also meant singing the latest Rhianna song aloud with them openly, or playing cards. Afterall, she is a teenager. Life after she got back would be different - drastically different, and this was her window to a world far away, far, far away. The world, up until now, she knew about only through through stolen english DVDs, and pop albums.

To me, it was a world away from the familar, a chance to reflect , pause, and take stock. A chance to experience new things. I think in the end, it made me realize how lucky I am to have the life I do. It made me realize that many things in life I worry about are trivial, and I cannot be thankful enough for the freedom of choice I have, and the security of having family and friends around. I have a motherland and culture that I am proud of, I have an adopted country that accepts me with open arms, and provides me opportunities to grow and learn. Most importantly, I can go home to my country, any time I choose to, I don't have to run , hide or take refuge. I have been gifted the intelligence to experience and understand religions different than my own, with an unbiased eye, and appreciate the philosophy. God has gifted me with health, the ability to dream, and the support system to help me achieve it. For all this and more, I will be eternally thankful.

As we all headed home, some to their families, some to their pets, back to their routines, I was happy to get back sleep in my own bed. I had a family waiting for me, I had a two year old nephew who missed me. That is a sweet deal. Anything else that comes my way, I'll handle it , one day at a time. Afterall, life doesn't come with assurances.

The Colusseum was just as I had seen in the pictures, only more giganic and real. We climbed to the top to get a view of the erstwhile amphitheater, big enough to seat 50,000 people. This set the stage for gladiator fights, wrestling, re-enactments, executions and the like. Remember "Princess and the Lion" ? We then walked to the arena and hypogeum level, which is an array of network tunnels, used to house animals and performers before they went on stage.

We then proceeded to the Roman forum. We were equiped with audio headsets, while the guide was giving us the history behind it. She was knowledgable, but it was a hundred degrees outside, on the last day of our tour, and none of us was paying too much attention. We did take some good pictures, and I promised myself I'd read up and refresh my memory. The jist of it though is, this is a big archealogical site where the remains of imperial Rome was discovered. A complete city, from palaces, to churches , temples and arches.

We headed back to rest before our last night out. We embarked on a trip to Castel Gandalfo, the Pope's summer residence, where we witnessed another change of gaurds. There was a fountain and a beautiful lake Albano surrounding the castle. Some more gelato and trinket shopping was in order. This town, Lazio, has been voted one of the most beautiful towns in Italy and thankfully, it wasn't touristy or crowded. We walked around, enjoying the cobblestoned streets, the quaint bistros and the friendly people. We proceeded to another sumptous dinner, Italian style. Margherita Pizza, and singers to entertain us, and fancy percussion devices, by the end of my trip, I could sing "O Sole Mio", which was a personal achievement.

I returned back for a last night out with the group. Everyone narrated the best and worst moments of the trip. We mingled, exchanged contact information, hugged and said goodbyes.

Our paths diverged again,some got back on the road, some went back to their families, some to their pets, back to their routines. I had a family waiting for me, I had a two year old nephew who missed me. That is a sweet deal. Anything else that comes my way, I'll handle it , one day at a time. Afterall, life doesn't come with assurances.

Tommorow we would all embark on the journey home, knowing that we just made an unforgettable memory together. As for me, I want to do one of these every year.

Next Trip : Egypt , Morocco,Greece and Turkey. Stay Tuned ! :)

2010-06-22T10:13:00.005-04:00

அலமாமரத்தின் இலை மேல் ஒரு பாலகனாய்

ஞ்லம் ஏழும் உண்டான் அரங்கத்து அரவின் அனையான்

கோலமாமணி ஆரமும் முத்துத் தமமும்

முடிவு இல்லாதோர் எழில் நீலமேனி

ஐயோ நிறைகொண்டடு என் நெஞ்சினையே

George Costanza Vs Barney Stintson

2010-06-10T14:22:00.004-04:00

Does media mirror reality? Watching sitcoms of a particular era is a good indicator into the social landscape of that time.

So is it an interesting paradigm shift in the American media and household in how men are potrayed? Let alone hen-pecked, slacker,out of shape husbands who never grow up, but love their family, have a good heart and don't cheat on their gorgeous wives as potrayed by numerous sitcoms, "Everybody Loves Raymond", "King of Queens"or "According to Jim".

Let's shift the focus for a bit to the single men of the late '90s. George Costanza , is a typical single New Yorker in his late 30s, maybe early 40s. George Costanza is potrayed as a medicore worker who cannot keep his job, over-weight, balding , with little or no luck with women, with quirky overbearing parents.

In sharp contrast, Barney Stintson is your smooth 30 something New Yorker, in top shape, always in suits, thinks of life as a larger version of a video game where one needs to come up with new tricks to score random hotties. He is self-absorbed, seemingly successful and thinks he is nothing less than "awesome". He is also very insecure about his friends getting hitched, and loves babies and laser tag. And doesn't want to grow up.

Granted, both characters are exaggerated caricatures to evoke laughter, but is there something more to it ?

தாலேலோ தாலேலோ !

2010-05-02T23:14:00.004-04:00

I stir lightly. I detect something heavy on me. No, it's not my goose-down comforter. Something soft, and cuddly. Insistent too. He doesn't stop. He pokes my ears playfully at first, and when I don't budge, he goes straight for my eyes. As I wake up, I see a two year old, smiling at me. He has big plans for me for the day,none of which involves me sleeping in. I give in, reluctantly at first, as I am dragged to his playpen, or the big king size bed in the master bedroom, depending on his royal highness's mood. There is that little detail of teeth brushing, which we almost skip. I manage to finish up quickly, thanks to the constant pulling of my pyjamas and gesturing to follow him.

His day has begun atleast a couple of hours before sunrise, he cannot wait to include me in it now. He has his little house, a box big enough to fit two of him. He drags me in, and there is barely room to breathe. He needs his mommy in there too, and grandpa, grandma and nanny too. He doesn't get the concept of space yet, adorably so. He has the attention span of, well, a two a year old, and we switch over to the piano. He drives his truck on the keys, and is amused by the music the device produces. He grabs the toy microphone and hands it to me. Before I can use it, he has of course, shifted attention to his toy laptop, his toy cookie jar ,and the basketball hoop, although not necessarily in that order. It's time for his daily breakfast.

After about two hours of running around the house, jumping on the bed, dancing to "No more monkeys jumping on the bed", watching videos, playing peek-a-boo and the like, he is finally done. I take him for a stroll around the block, we decide to stop by the swing for a bit. Not particularly interested in swinging today, he decides to explore the slide, climbing in reverse to get to the landing. A little girl stops by, he barely notices. I smile, knowing that there will be a time in the future I'll miss this stage in his life. She runs upto him, eager to play. He runs aimlessly and stops. He notices she has a big ball. He grabs it and starts playing with it. She runs after him,blowing bubbles, his attention swings between the bubbles and the ball. He quickly loses interest though, opting to watch the grown-ups shoot hoops. A red bumper racecar driven by two eight year old roars into view, and he runs after it. The kids stop by, and offer to drive him around. He is so fascinated , he just wants to watch them drive around instead.

We get home after a tiring day in the sun, and it's time for his afternoon nap. He is at his hyperactive best, opting for a game of ring-around-the-rosies instead. Just when things get out of control, I hum Neelambari softly. He turns around and looks at me. Something sounds familiar. He nods and stops the babble, not a squeak. This means he approves, by the way. I continue, and his eyes are transfixed on me now. I sing louder, in a slow, steady voice. He walks upto me and puts his head on my lap. I am amazed at how music is the only thing that calms this otherwise hyperactive toddler with an average attention span of twenty seconds. I pat him lightly, and I hear deep breathing. I reach , ever so slightly, to grab the pacifier on the desk, lest I disturb the good thing we have going. He lets me sing, he stops all activity now - no running around, no dancing. I continue, I see droopy eyes. My heart swells, my nephew has music in his soul.

I dream of days I'll spend taking him to concerts. I dream of the day we'll discuss Kalyani Vs Sankarabharanam. I hope he'll share my distaste for the former, and sometimes I secretly hope he takes his grandpa's side and we'll argue about it .I hope he loves the Aussie cricket team, like his aunt and grandpa, and I hope we see loud, raucous cheering. I dream of playing ball with him, I see a few angry neighbors and broken windows. I hope I can share my love for Tamil, and I hope I can one day teach him the meaning of the lullabies I sung to him when he was two. Maybe one day he will understand the beauty of this verse, that pictures Lord Rama as a baby and sings Him to sleep.

But more importantly, this two-year old is asleep in my arms now, as I softly end my Neelambari. The thought of having one of my own scares the living daylights out of me some days, but this little one in my arms makes that thought ever so possible. Does he know how he has changed my life just by being a part of it ? I wonder. He'll know some day. Maybe he'll stumble on this blog when I am long gone. Afterall he does have music in his soul.

மன்னுபுகழ் கோசலை தன் மணிவயிறு வாய்த்தவனே!
தென்னிலங்கை கோன் முடிகள் சிந்துவித்தாய்! செம்பொன் சேர்
கன்னி நன் மா மதில் புடை சூழ் கணபுரத்தென் கருமணியே!
என்னுடைய இன்னமுதே! இராகவனே! தாலேலோ!

புண்டரிக மலர் அதன் மேல் புவனியெல்லாம் படைத்தவனே!
திண் திறலாள் தாடகை தன் உரம் உருவச் சிலை வளைத்தாய்!
கண்டவர் தம் மனம் வழங்கும் கணபுரத்தென் கருமணியே!
எண் திசையும் ஆளுடையாய்! இராகவனே! தாலேலோ!

கொங்கு மலி கருங்குழலாள் கோசலை தன் குலமதலாய்!
தங்கு பெரும் புகழ்ச் சனகன் திருமருகா! தாசரதீ!
கங்கையிலும் தீர்த்த மலி கணபுரத்தென் கருமணியே!
எங்கள் குலத்தின்னமுதே! இராகவனே! தாலேலோ!

தாமரை மேல் அயன் அவனைப் படைத்தவனே! தசரதன் தன்
மாமதலாய்! மைதிலி தன் மணவாளா! வண்டினங்கள்
காமரங்கள் இசை பாடும் கணபுரத்தென் கருமணியே!
ஏமருவும் சிலை வலவா! இராகவனே! தாலேலோ!

பாராளும் படர் செல்வம் பரத நம்பிக்கே அருளி
ஆரா அன்பு இளையவனோடு அருங்கானம் அடைந்தவனே!
சீராளும் வரை மார்பா! திருக்கண்ணபுரத்தரசே!
தாராளும் நீண்முடி என் தாசரதீ! தாலேலோ!

சுற்றம் எல்லாம் பின் தொடரத் தொல் கானம் அடைந்தவனே!
அற்றவர்கட்கு அருமருந்தே! அயோத்தி நகர்க்கு அதிபதியே!
கற்றவர்கள் தாம் வாழும் கணபுரத்தென் கருமணியே!
சிற்றவை தன் சொல்கொண்ட சீராமா! தாலேலோ!

ஆலின் இலைப் பாலகனாய் அன்றுலகம் உண்டவனே!
வாலியை கொன்று அரசு இளைய வானரத்துக்கு அளித்தவனே!
காலின் மணி கரையலைக்கும் கணபுரத்தென் கருமணியே!
ஆலிநகர்க்கதிபதியே! அயோத்திமனே! தாலேலோ!

மலையதனால் அணை கட்டி மதிளிலங்கை அழித்தவனே!
அலைகடலைக் கடைந்து அமரர்க்கு அமுதருளிச் செய்தவனே!
கலை வலவர் தாம் வாழும் கணபுரத்தென் கருமணியே!
சிலை வலவா! சேவகனே! சீராமா! தாலேலோ!

தளை அவிழும் நறுங்குஞ்சித் தயரதன் தன் குலமதலாய்!
வளையவொரு சிலையதனால் மதிளிலங்கை அழித்தவனே!
களை கழுநீர் மருங்கு அலரும் கணபுரத்தென் கருமணியே!
இளையவர்கட்கு அருளுடையாய்! இராகவனே! தாலேலோ!

தேவரையும் அசுரரையும் திசைகளையும் படைத்தவனே!
யாவரும் வந்தடி வணங்க அரங்க நகர் துயின்றவனே!
காவிரி நல் நதி பாயும் கணபுரத்தென் கருமணியே!
ஏவரி செஞ்சிலை வலவா! இராகவனே! தாலேலோ!

கன்னி நன் மா மதிள் புடை சூழ் கணபுரத்தென் காகுத்தன்
தன்னடிமேல் தாலேலோ என்றுரைத்த தமிழ்மாலை
கொல் நவிலும் வேல் வலவன் குடைக்குலசேகரன் சொன்ன
பன்னிய நூல் பத்தும் வல்லார் பாங்காய பத்தர்களே!

On being single

2010-03-18T12:59:00.002-04:00

Alright.

I've had this blog pretty much since 2004, when I was just an enthusiastic undergrad kid with stars in her eyes.

It's been six years since then. I walk through memory lane sometimes, I see that girl vividly through her posts. Sometimes juvenile, sometimes precocious, she was wasn't even old enough to drink back then.It doesn't matter who she was, but it does help that I can relive her through her posts.

More reasons to blog regularly. But I digress.

As has been mentioned in many other posts, there was a point in time where I gave up revealing personal information on this blog. No, I am not paranoid about e-stalkers. Although, come to think of it, slapping on a foursquare widget to this blog, or facebook , for that matter, is very creepy. "Hello, I just checked into the Starbucks at the corner of Vine and 6th streets with Ceclia Smith". You just make it so easy for the stalkers, there isn't even any thrill anymore. Whatever happened to old-fashioned night vision goggles ?

But I digress again.

There is a line you draw between keeping the blog personable, but not too personal. You want to give people a window into your life, but only to the foyer. Talking about my experiences being single , I guess gets into the too personal category. But also, this is that age where everyone around me is looking for, or is in a relationship. Hence the focus on this topic.

1. What consititutes being "Single" ?

Single means you are not married, engaged, or seriously dating / have feelings for someone at the present time. No, being in a complicated relationship, while also registering on matrimonial/dating websites doesn't count.

2. What consititutes "looking"?

Looking means you are interested in finding someone with whom you can have a long term relationship, eventually leading to marriage. Looking doesn't mean half-heartedly answering emails after two months, because you are helping your ex get over her/his ex, hoping that she/he will fall in love with you. Just getting that out of the way.

3. You are single at an age where majority of women are married. Why?

Glad you asked. Before you get any ideas of me being a lesbian fembot, let me assure you - I am as straight and screwed up as the girl next door. And beneath this tad cynical exterior, there is the girl who believes that some day she will find someone. You know, who she can, you know , ok don't make me say it.

4. Do you who you are?

Wow. That didn't take very long to ask. Does anyone, really truly know who they are? Isn't it part of the charm? The journey of self-discovery?

5. Is "Independent" really a nice way to say "headstrong" ?

I see, a "How I met your mother" fan. Great! I can work with that ;)

The late post about the year that was...

2010-01-18T22:40:00.006-05:00

Wow. This is probably the first time I've missed an important event on the blog. The New Year, I mean. Not even the customary recap of the year that was.

Not that 2009 wasn't eventful.Far from it, actually. In more ways than one, '09 has been noteworthy. It has opened the door to a new level of self realization. In more ways than one, this year has been about me,and me only. Coming from a person like me , that is saying a lot.

A huge comeback mid-year career-wise, resulted in a promotion,a new exciting role and move to the Big Apple. I am psyched as shit ! I am all pumped like a lioness in her prime , ready to kick some serious ass. Sure, there is risk and challenge involved, but bring it on baby !

There were some very important relationships that needed to be mended, and I see progress made. There were also some relationships that had to be let go. Some painfully, some filled with a sigh of relief. Others with mixed feelings.

Perhaps the most important thing I learnt in '09 was that life is a series of choices.So you just have to keep making bold choices, and correct course if needed. But standing in the middle of a busy junction can be costly, not to mention fatal.

There are things like these and many, many more that I now know as a result of 2009. And that, my friends, is priceless.

Sri Bhargavi Bhadramme Dishathu

2009-12-04T17:26:00.011-05:00

This is one of Sri Muthuswamy Dikshitar's five krithis in a series called Sriranga Pancharatnas. The five are :

Ranganayakam (Nayaki)
Sri Ranganathaya (Dhanyasi)
Rangapura Vihara (Brindavanasaranga)
Sri Ranganatham (Poornachandrika)
Sri Bhargavi (Mangala Kaisiki)

I was fortunate enough to learn this rare krithi from my Guru Smt. Mythili Jagannathan. She runs a music school in Trichy called Guruguha Gana Vidhyala. This is my rendition of this song.

Pallavi

SrI bhArgavI bhadraM mE diSatu
SrI ranga dhAmESvarI

Anupallavi

saubhAgya lakshmI satataM mAmavatu
sakala lOka jananI vishNu mOhinI

caraNam

madana guru mAninI mama manasi tishThatu
madhu-kara vijaya mangaLa kaiSikA nivasatu
sadana madhyE mahA lakshmI sadA viharatu
sAmaja hEma kumbha snApitA vijayatu

pada nayanAnana kara nalinI
parama purusha hari praNayinI
vadana kamala guru guha -
dharaNISvara nuta ranga nAtha ramaNI

Hiranmayeem Lakshmeem

2009-12-02T08:42:00.000-05:00

Pallavi: HiraNmayeem Lakshmeem sadhaa bhajaami
Heena manavaasrayam tyajaami

Anupallavi: Chiratara sampath prathaam Ksheerambhudi Tanayam
Hari Vakshasthala Aalayaam Harineem charana Kisalayaam
Kara Kamala dhruta Kuvalayaam maragatha mani Valayaam

Charanam: Sveta Dwipa vaasinieem srikalaambhikaam
Bhootha bhavya vilaasineem bhusura pujithaam varaam
Mataram Abjamaalineem maanikya Aabharanadharaam
Gita Vadhya vinodhineem girijaam taam Indiraam
seetha kirana nibha vadanaam sritha chintaamani sadhanaam
Peetha vasanaam Guru Guha Maathula Kaanthaam LALITHAMM
(HiraNmayeem Lakshmeem Sadhaa Bhajaami )

2009-12-01T10:30:00.002-05:00

I have no issues with Gay marriages. I have some very close and wonderful friends who are gay. It doesn't matter how I feel about homosexuality as a concept but in terms of civil rights I believe that everyone should have the right to enjoy equal civil union liberties, whether married to a person of the same sex or not. I don't get conservative bullshit about protecting the sanctity of marriage. I think thats hypocritical - if sancitity is all you care about then you should ban divorces too. In a country where more than half the marriages end in divorce, take that pseudo-conservatives !

While we are at it, let me be very clear on the abortion issue. I am a vegetarian by choice, and I don't believe that we have the right to kill anyone, let alone another human life. But this is MY personal belief. I believe that there is a God, and I believe that we don't have the right to kill another life. Yes, I know the gray areas - incest, rape, congenital defects. I am not going there. But my point is, it is MY belief that abortion is not justified in most cases and it is not something I would ever do. But on the same tone, I would not impose it on anyone. It is an individual's right to choose . Why is the state trying to play God ?

2009-11-23T23:55:00.001-05:00

"Robert, there is a creature inside you I am not good enough to bring out, strong enough to reach. Sometimes I have the feeling you've been here a long time, more than one lifetime,and that you have dwelt in private places that none of the rest of us has even dreamed about. You frighten me,even though you are gentle with me.If I didnt fight to control myself with you,I feel like I might lose my center and never get back"

"She wished him steaming trains that left from winter stations"

"Before I became a man I was an arrow - a long time ago"

"Falling from Dimension Z"

"In retrospect, it seems inevitable - it could not have been any other day - a case of what I call the high probability of the improbable"

"Ways that whisper to you in the final moment before sleep comes, when the barriers have fallen. ways that rearrange the molecular space between a male and female, regardless of the species"

"Analysis destroys wholes.some things, magic things, are meant to stay whole. if you look at their pieces, they go away"

"The old dreams were good dreams, they didnt work out but I am glad I had them"

"The bottle unopened

and glasses empty

she reached to find them

somewhere north of Middle River,

in Iowa.

I watched her with eyes

that had seen a Jivaro's Amazon

and the Silk Road

with caravan dust

climbing behind me,

reaching into unused

spaces of an Asian sky."

"To ancient evenings and distant music"

" There was room to dance again. In a slow, unremitting way she was turning home, toward a place she had never been"

"around the ancient tower .. i have been circling for a thousand years"

"This is why I am here on this planet at this time Francesa. Not to travel or make pictures but to love you.I know that now. I have been falling from the rim of a great high place somewhere back in time,for many more years than I have lived in this life.and through all of those years, I have been falling towards you."

"i am the highway and a peregrine and all the sails that ever went to sea"

"In a universe of ambiguity, this kind of certainity comes only once, and never again, no matter how many lifetimes you live"

My favorite quotes from "The Bridges of Madison County". This post was orginally written on 8/21/08. Not sure why that is relevant, but I loved the book and so I needed to post this.

2009-11-02T22:52:00.004-05:00

This city is beautiful. As in breathtakingly picturesque. Perfect setting for a rom-com. On a different note, I've been wondering a lot lately. Ruminating. Are we living our lives virtually ? Has social media changed inter-personal dynamics? Where does one draw the line between work and play?

I am on social networking sites, and somehow as luck would have it, I am in the position of using social media as a career tool as well. I've had this blog for almost five years now and I've managed to keep it personal. Religiously so. Not once has a little sliver of what I do for a living somehow mysteriously find it's way in one random post. Never. And I work hard to keep it that way. No accidental posts on FB, no tweeting a particular post I am proud of. That's one of the reasons I love this space. It's a personal part of me.

But I find myself almost paranoid to write about this very beautiful city that I am in this week. There are stories to be told, pictures to be described. There are tales about lost heroes to be written about, yearnings, the peace in solitude but mostly just the old world charm. The idyllic boat-rides, the horse drawn carriages, the winding river , the fairy-tale like setting in the Venice of America. The bases, the uniformed men, the guy with ten kids , and the really sexy crew cuts. But I hesitate to use the words, I know Uncle Sam is looking over your shoulder, and the last thing I want is some random traffic just because I was specific about a location. Security concerns, you see. Where are the days when all you blogged about was Sonu Nigam. And that worked out just fine :)

And then there are these posts about the year that has been. Losing grandma, moving, the travels, the people, the experiences. Wondering about life, wondering about yourself.It's what someone once called "delicious ambiguity". You know, talking about embarrassing moments or how your back hurts like hell. But that requires displaying a certain kind of vulnerability and you sometimes forget how to. Sticking to music posts seems a safer option, you know.

A lot has been said about creating your "personal brand" online. Using social media to "market yourself". It's about defining your persona, give people a glimpse into your personal life - to basically humanize yourself. That's all great but what happens to the real you? At what point do you feel safe enough to let people see you, in all your imperfect glory?

I could use a place of no pretense, no judgement right about now.No need to choose words to express yourself. Just silence. No words.

2009-10-22T00:29:00.003-04:00

Just when I started to whine about missed flights and poor wifi today,I learnt that my friend's father is battling stage four pancreatic cancer and her mom is undergoing a heart surgery at the same time. My heart goes out to her. Life has a funny way of putting things in perspective for you sometimes.

In the words of Gilda Radner - "I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity."

2009-10-21T00:02:00.002-04:00

It's amazing how a single small act, somewhere in the world can be so life-affirming to soo many.

2009-10-16T19:40:00.003-04:00

(Part II)
Ok, now that I got that out of my system, let me get down to a serious concert review.

But before that I feel like I need to say something. Summing up my feelings after-concert, one word – ecstasy. And when I use that word to describe a concert that featured Thodi as the main piece it’s safe to say I am either plain baked or something must have gone right :)

The concert started with a Varnam in the ragam mandhari. It sounded somewhat like panthuvarali , it was swift and set the pace for the evening.This was followed by a song in raagam Bahudari called "Sadanadha thandavam" set to Aadi thalam. It is very interesting to observe how the "Kutcheri Panthadhi" (Geez, did I just sound like Subbudu!) is changing with times. Krishnan took the time to announce every song - the raagam, thaalam and composer and sometimes any special connotations associated. Definitely made the experience more worthwhile as well as educational.

My friend and I talk about this sometimes. Although I am not a big fan of the raga Kharaharapriya itself, I am absolutely enthralled with it’s Janya raagams. Really – Think about it , with an impressive Janya raagam list like Abheri, Bagesri, Brindavanasaranga, Dharbar, Huseni, Kaanada, Madhyamavathi, Manirangu, Rithigowlai, Shri, Shriranjani, Sudda dhanyasi, Kaapi and Sahana you are easy the best Melakartha mom raga ever. So much so that if I were Kharaharapriya, I would voluntarily retire from contention, and would not let myself in the spotlight (main piece) of any concert. I’d just lean back on my easy chair, and proudly watch as my children mesmerize millions of fans with their subtle notes. But I digress.

(To be continued..)

2009-10-12T23:57:00.007-04:00

New Jersey has the highest tamil speaking population in the U.S.according to some guy I heard on T.V. the other day. So what do these tams like to do on a weekend afternoon? That’s right, listen to carnatic music concert and shout “Besh Besh”, doing the Thaalam so loudly, my dear friends , that an innocent onlooker would mistake it for swatting flies.

But I digress. Back to the “Besh Besh” phenomenon - Anyone who has ever been to a carnatic concert has seen this guy in action. He, ladies and gentleman is Mr.Besh Besh, sitting in the second row..Well, only because the first row is reserved for really old maamas clad in pattu salwais with hearing-aids – their vocal cords have decided to take a rest after years of screaming “Bale ba !”

Anyway so this guy is usually middle aged, bespectacled and with a moustache. Don’t ask me why the moustache matters, but it does, and it has to preferably adhere to the “Mike Mogan” style of the ‘80s. Our guy ,a fervent fan of carnatic music is usually found sitting in the attention position, craning his neck hoping to catch a glimpse of his favorite artistes. His hands are placed in the “go” position, ready to beat the crap out his poor thighs as soon as he hears the shruti.

Did I mention he has the uncanny knack of deciphering the raaga based on one or two notes? And feels the need to loudly announce the same to his embarrassed son/daughter who suddenly feels the need to turn away and look at their Nintendos in rapt attention. Anyway, if you are really lucky, you will see a very seasoned Mr.Besh Besh in display. And how do you find out, you ask? Well, it’s pretty simple.

It’s a three step formula – the rookies start off looking furtively at the audience, sizing up other potential candidates, even following the other guy’s thaalam on occasion. The good ones have their eyes glued to the artistes and will close their eyes on occassion - bliss, I tell you. They generally adhere the "paani" mentioned above with the Mike Mogans.

With the very best though, what you will see is a loud “Sabash” at the end of each kalpanaswaram, and as the Mridangist and Ghatam vidhwan launch into the thaniavardhanam, you will see violent head shaking, very loud thalams (poor thighs!) and for the theatric climax - a loud recital of the korvais themselves.. “Thangina thom thakka thathinginathom… Sabhashhh !”.

(To be continued…)

2009-10-10T02:19:00.003-04:00

A long journey. But change is inevitable. And here it is , new avatar and everything ! I definitely need to take screenshots of my old minima black and post it here - sort of like the mandatory before-and-after shots after a makeover.

There is still a bit of a way to go before the new template becomes my version of "not-so-perfect" but I am almost there.

On an unrelated note, I was listening to carnatic music today and the following verse from St. Manikkavasagar's Thiruvasagam caught my fancy.In case you haven't noticed yet, I am just completely fascinated by this instrument "Yaazh". This instrument seems to have been in vogue in the ancient days, going by the number of references in many, many tamil verses. That's a post for another day though.

இன்னிசை வீணையர் யாழினர் ஒரு பால்
இருக்கொடு தோத்திரம் இயம்பினர் ஒரு பால்
துன்ண்ணிய பிணை மலர் கையினர் ஒரு பால்
தொழுகையர் அழுகையர் துவள்கையர் ஒரு பால்
சென்னியில் அஞ்சலி கூப்பினர் ஒரு பால்
திருபெரும்துறை உரை சிவ பெருமானே
என்னையும் ஆண்டு கொண்டு இன்னருள் புரியும்
எம் பெருமான் பள்ளி எழுந்து அருளையே

In Search of a not-so-perfect blog template..

2009-10-06T09:29:00.004-04:00

I am not a perfectionist, no sir. I am not those anal Monica types who need to have life in perfect order before they give themselves permission to be happy. I have a method in my madness. And as long as the method and madness complement each other, my life is peaceful.

I've had this blog for almost five years now. Gosh ! Time flies. And the blog has come a long way. But the one thing that has stayed near constant is the template. Yes, minima black with a few alterations. I am beginning to feel the need for a blog makeover. Something that says "cheery disposition" akin to what I've been feeling lately. Or atleast what I hope people will feel when they chance upon this blog.

And hence my search begins. Watch this space for more to come :)

2009-07-17T23:03:00.006-04:00

(Part II continued ... )

And then she made a blogger friend who would also go to the same school as her. And decided to fly away from home a week after she turned twenty one. It was a new country, new place, new friends. She had things to write about. Photos to be posted, trips to be described. And a family to be missed. The blog was alive and well-read.

She considered adoption very seriously. And so she blogged. It caught some attention, although in hindsight, not the right kind. And then she was only too glad to blog for blanknoise, a project aimed at a cause that was dear to her heart. She never considered herself a victim and wasn't about to start now. But she certainly had many things to say , the topic was too close to her heart. She had emotions and she wore it on her sleeve. The blog readership was at its all time high.

And then there was the silence. You saw that. You saw that era of drafts, the era of written sentences, the vague one-liners, the metaphorical anecdotes. And then that time she almost gave up on you. She even had a farewell, adieu, thank you for the good times post. Maybe she even posted it. And then came the post that proclaimed that she would blog for eternity, and maybe her grandkids would read it one day and get to know her. If you think she is being dramatic, well, you don't know her at all :)

It ebbed and flowed for a while. Mostly it flowed for a brief while before it ebbed. Filling the silence with jpgs and cartoon clips. When you have too much to say, you'd rather not say anything at all. And the cryptic haikus and stolen lines. And the metaphors. It was a struggle. At one point, even pointless. And she gave up again.

But life has a its own way of bringing back to you things you hold dearly. And so she continued. But slowly at first. No dramatic re-entries this time around. Vivitsa would be an easy, comfortable place. It was hers.She didn't have to feign. If she wanted to wonder about ending it, she did. If she wanted to write happy birthday posts , she did. If she wanted to write one of those allegorical poems, she did. It was one of those relationships you see between a ninety year old couple at your local breakfast cafe. A few gestures, meaningful smiles, comfortable silences. No point to prove, just a reassuring companionship.

She remembers those long political posts she wrote sitting on the Amtrak during her travels. The short stories written sitting in random airport terminals. Her foray into fiction writing. How the blog held its own special place through all of that. She puts her current three month hiatus in perspective.

There may be times when she'll stay away. There might be times when there is too much to say, where words are simply not enough. And then there will be other days when she'll put thoughts in writing because she has opinions she simply must express. She once tried to classify what vivitsa was to her - a daily dairy? a mixed bag? But now she rests easy, knowing the best things in life are just that. Undefined yet irreplaceable.

2009-07-16T23:23:00.004-04:00

Long silence.

You are used to it, aren't you ?

Remember that girl who was all excited about the concept of a blog several years ago? She was inspired by her friend, panvista. She was sitting in an auto, caught in Bangalore traffic. It was another long lunch session that ended at Jayanagar Corner House. People loved "Death by Chocolate" but she loved their fudge sundaes, with lots of cashews. But I digress.

It was a typical Indian summer, it must have been about a hundred degrees (she counts in Farenheit these days). Her friends were talking about a cool tool that panvista uses, called a blog.She was inspired, and couldn't wait to get back to the office so she could create her own. Those offices in India had firewalls, as she now recollects. She couldn't wait to get back to try and see if blogger was.

To her surprise, it worked. It was still early days and she had to choose a name. It was 2004, and she was still a Bitsian. She hadn't officially graduated , and was nowhere close to getting over it. What was the one thing that defined her stay at BITS? What was the one memory she would carry on forever? Vivitsa , of course. And hence this blog was born.

She typed away , sitting in the 10th floor of Jupiter.Or was it Saturn? Memory blurs. She remembers the cafeteria. It was fittingly called The Earth. Those tea sessions, the snacks , the bus ride home, listening to that new-fangled radio channel. She was definitely "youth", the target audience. They'd play the radio channel at the cafeteria.Her friends would discuss those remixes and that new DJ who was sitting in a cosy office bang on M.G. Road watching the bumper-to-bumper Bangalore traffic.

She blogged about this and that and everything else. She found blogger friends. As blogging caught on , so did her office firewall. She couldn't wait to come home and write. She would sometimes save drafts in her email address. Wait what was it called again? The email service had a green interface and had a very teen flavor to it. She used it because that was the only email service that escaped the firewall. She remembers her username, she forgets the domain. Was it epals? Maybe.

She made friends through her blog. Why she even got her gmail invite through panvista, who was her blogger friend now. In those days, gmail let you invite five friends. It was an exclusive club, she recalled. You had to really be special or lucky to get into the "cool club". Bangalore had a really trendy , affordable retail clothes store by the same name, come to think of it. Her best friend at that time used to get her trendy clothes from that store for her birthday. Her best friend. Funny story. But that's for another day.

(To be continued... )

2009-03-30T16:45:00.003-04:00

A hilltop. A suburban hilltop.

A thick settlement, houses edged precariously almost leaning on each other.Narrow winding cobblestoned roads run amock carelessly zigzagging towards beautiful tree lined cul-de-sac villas.

She walks up the hill wearing black shoes, a blue cardigan and white capri running gear. It is a beautiful summer evening. The wind is non-existent and the air is so humid she can hardly breathe. She looks up in anticipation.A few white clouds make their presence felt. A few conifer pines on the pavement. She carelessly kicks a dry, parched one. It goes flying right across the street, over the high metallic copper gates and into the cynical old man's bungalow. She doesn't know what startled her more, the ferocity of her own kick or how parched the pine cone really was to fly that high.

She smiles. The heart races for a brief second. She looks skyward and catches that first drizzle of summer rain.

She closes her eyes. She inhales.

2009-02-23T17:36:00.003-05:00

What amazing talent ! A beautiful song here..

2009-01-21T11:18:00.002-05:00

செங்கண் நெடுமாலுஞ் சென்றிடந்துங் காண்பரிய
பொங்கு மலர்ப்பாதம் பூதலத்தே போந்தருளி
எங்கள் பிறப்பறுத்திட் டெந்தரமும் ஆட்கொண்டு
தெங்கு திரள்சோலைத் தென்னன் பெருந்துறையான்
அங்கணன் அந்தணனாய் அறைகூவி வீடருளும்
அங்கருணை வார்கழலே பாடுதுங்காண் அம்மானாய். 175

கேட்டாயோ தோழி கிறிசெய்த வாறொருவன்
திIட்டார் மதில்புடைசூழ் தென்னன் பெருந்துறையான்
காட்டா தனவெல்லாங் காட்டிச் சிவங்காட்டித்
தாள்தா மரைகாட்டித் தன்கருணைத் தேன் காட்டி
நாட்டார் நகைசெய்ய நாம்மேலை வீடெய்த
ஆள்தான்கொண்டாண்டவா பாடுதுங்காண் அம்மானாய். 180

2009-01-05T08:28:00.000-05:00

That proverbial journey home

The journey home
Is never too long
Your heart arrives before the train
The journey home
Is never too long
Some yesterdays always remain
I'm going back to where my heart was light
When my pillow was a ship
I sailed through the night The journey home
Is never too long
When open arms are waiting there
The journey home
Is never too long
There's room to love and room to spare
I want to feel the way that I did then
I'll think my wishes through before I wish again
Not every road you come across
Is one you have to take
No, sometimes standing still can be
The best move you ever make The journey home
Is never too long
One helps to heal the deepest pain
The journey home
Is never too long
Your heart arrives before the train

2008-12-29T03:29:00.000-05:00

The year that has been.

Eventful, fun filled and hectic. The time between New Years at Atlantic City up until now has been one hazy blur. A pleasant blur at that, spent with family, welcoming the new addition and oh, loads and loads of travel. I've spent close to 300 days on the road this year, perhaps fittingly, this is being written from another random airport on one of these journeys.

Homeward bound after three years, some new thoughts,some old ones- the mood is definitely happy and upbeat.

Yet another New Year awaits.I hope its filled with lots of fun - friends, family and memories.

Happy New Year!

2008-12-27T18:24:00.002-05:00

I have scored the world wide web for this one, but with no luck. One Pasuram has caught my fancy for a long time. Again, it's the tamil. This one has some dark undertones too, with the use of the words "Paadalam", "pina pillaigal" and so on. My guess is this is by Thondaradipodi azhwar. Anyhow, any attempts to get me the orginal words will be much appreciated. Here is my attempt at transliteration.

padalam yenum keezhum(??)

sokkazhivu padamalar podar thunai mudiyum

yella porul mudivil pedhai orukaal

thirumeni ondru allan vedhamudhal

vinnodum mannum thuthithaalum

podha ulava oru thozan thondarulan

kothil kulatharanthan koil pina pillaigal

yethavanoor yethavan per

yarutrar yarayalar yethavanai paadum

pariselor embaavai.

2008-11-17T09:40:00.004-05:00

So it was a movie filled weekend.

Dostana : Obviously, I'd read pathetic reviews about it on Rediff. And I almost did not go. This one is no Brokeback Mountain. And yes, the heroes pretend to be gay, fall in love with the same girl and so on. Yes, it does caricaturize the gay stereotype, but I think its done in good spirit and it had me laughing very hard. Of course, it also caricaturized the typical Indian saas-bahu, the K3G, KKHT over the top tearjerker stereotypes. Very refreshing that bollywood has finally decided to make fun of itself.

Vaaranam Ayiram : Ok, so I was very excited about this one, having seen the promos and interviews. I knew Surya had worked very hard on his various roles and the movie definitely had some catchy tunes. About 70% of the narrative was very well told, and very, very relatable. The rest of it was - well , a tamil movie :).I think Surya just graduated to an Aamir-esque league after this one. Oh, and the unkempt, unshaven angry young man look - Very sexy.

2008-11-16T01:17:00.000-05:00

And I pray.

And so I give.

2008-11-13T15:46:00.002-05:00

Yes, history was created.

But here is a funny story.

1. Have some self-respect, for crying out loud.
2.Stop behaving like a self-absorbed one year old.
3.If you want to be taken seriously as a power to reckon with, then start acting like one.

It's almost embarrassing to read stuff like this. Get a life !

2008-10-25T22:27:00.009-04:00

It feels like I rediscovered a missing part of me. Its been about eight years, it seems forever.

I owe my musical journey to her. No amount of listening, learning from youtube, attending concerts and hosting the stars could equal this. Hell, not even close. Come to think of it, I never found a replacement in all these years. Not that I did not have the opportunity. But I never did it. It is just one of those things.

She is back in life life and I am grateful ! Finally I have my own teacher back, someone who I can share raaga jokes with, someone how can almost preempt my swara patterns and the one I attribute my Dikshitar preoccupation to. Singing with her again, learning from her. It all makes sense now:)

Watchout Cleveland !

2008-10-22T13:58:00.004-04:00

Reetigowlai.

I am embarrassed to admit that for the longest time, my baseline song for this raaga was "Azhagana Rakshasiye". Of course, Maharajapuram's "Nannu Vidachi" changed things , it is the Ni2 that made me fall. Just a simple Ni2. Go figure.

In my head , the arohanam is just S G R G M N N S although the orginal arohanam and avarohanam is a beautiful complex sequence of Sa Ga2 Ri2 Ga2 Ma1 Ni2 Da2 Ma1 Ni2 Ni2 Sa and Sa Ni2 Da2 Ma1 Ga2 Ma1 Pa Ma1 Ga2 Ri2 Sa. "Chinna Kannan Azhaikiran" - an Ilayaraja oldie uses the exact pattern in the opening line. Simple, but gets the point across effectively.

And yes, I have been listening to "Kangal Irandaal" from the movie where the hero is a thug and the heroine is a half-saree clad damsel. Oh wait, but that is most movies. Anyhow, the song has been sitting on my playlist for a while and just got elevated to the "continuously on loop" status.

So what exactly is catchy ? the "NSGRSa.. NDPa.. GMPMGRS" interlude before the starting of the first stanza. And these two lines I am unable to get off my head.

"unnai indri ver oru ninaivillai; ini indha 0onuyir ninadhillai"

The swara pattern of these lines goes something like "SGRG MaGR Ni SGRi .."

Happy Listening !

How do people land on this blog ?

2008-10-07T14:06:00.005-04:00

a) People who have this page bookmarked (Yayy!)
b)People who subscribed to this blog (again, yayy!)
c) The click-trackers (outclicks from this site tracked)

But seriously, here are the top five google searches that lead to this blog :

a) "vivitsa" (yeah, right!)

b) "Masaru ponne varuga"

c)"Laali Adinaal" (Yeah, surprisingly this is the only space that has the full lyrics to that song!)

d) Tie between

an embarrassing quote or two from Wedding crashers and
"vegan" or "vegetarian" followed by some celebrity name

e) one of "arohanam avarohanam","sikkil gurucharan","harivarasam" etc :)

Now that I feel like a celebrity, I am getting back to work :) Love y'all !

Anti-Dentites :)

2008-10-06T15:50:00.002-04:00

JERRY: So you won't believe what happened with Whatley today.
It got back to hime that I made this little dentist joke and he got all offended. Those people can be so touchy.

KRAMER: Those people, listen to yourself.

JERRY: What?

KRAMER: You think that dentists are so different from me and you? They came to this country just like everybody else, in search of a dream.

JERRY: Kramer, he's just a dentist.

KRAMER: Yeah, and you're an anti-dentite.

JERRY: I am not an anti-dentite!

KRAMER: You're a rabid anti-dentite! Oh, it starts with a few jokes and some slurs. "Hey, denty!" Next thing you know you're saying they should have their own schools.

JERRY: They do have their own schools!

KRAMER: Yeah!....

2008-09-22T10:28:00.008-04:00

Anyway.

I accidentally discovered this page during a trip...

"By the time the Lord made woman, he was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?"

And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts,all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart-and she will do everything with only two hands."

The angel was astounded at the requirements. "Only two hands!? No way! And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish."

But I won't," the Lord protested. "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days."

The angel moved closer and touched the woman. "But you have made her so soft, Lord."

"She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish. "

"Will she be able to think?", asked the angel.

The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate."

The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek. OOPS, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one." "That's not a leak," the Lord corrected, "that's a tear !" "What's the tear for?" the angel asked. The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain,her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride.! "

The angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing." And she is.Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart. Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give. "

Thank you. And yes, this did make my day, my week, and the completely random emotional day four years later.

Lipstick Politics

2008-09-05T16:43:00.007-04:00

CNN aired a very though provoking segment on today's "This American Morning". The segment was in response to blogs and critics debating on Sarah Palin's credentials and whether she was fit for the No.2 spot. Sure, why not? As Obama says, why should she be treated any differently? After all, everyone has seen how when a candidate announces his/her run , the whole world starts analysing his/her voting record, foriegn policy experience and so on.

But the strange thing is how Sarah Palin has come under attack about her ability to perform her VP duties while also being a mother to her five children. Why isn't anyone questioning if Obama, for instance, can perform his duties as a president while also parenting two young kids , now 10 and 7? Why should the rules be any different for a woman? So maybe she is nursing now, but how is this different from any other job that women have held? I personally find this accusation that she is somehow less qualified solely because she has an infant sexist.

But this also reminded me of a conversation I had with some friends some weeks ago. Three of us, one fresh from India, were walking around in Penn's Landing. For those of you who don't know , Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love has a beautiful bridge connecting Pennsylvania and NJ with parks, docks and entertainment et al. It is like the Newport of Cincinnati. Anyway, as we were walking around, we saw two gay guys go at it. The scandalized friend started wondering out loud about homosexuality in general. As I recounted the lives and marriages of some of my gay friends, I pointed how many gay men were positive role models, adopting kids from countries like China, India and Guatemala and being doting fathers. It was at this point that the one could not take the concept of a child being raised in a two father home, and that it was somehow more acceptable if a child was raised by two mothers.

I for one, completely disagree. A child , boy or a girl requires both role models - a male and a female in a household. The concept that somehow one parent is more important to a child's upbringing than the other is intrinsically flawed.I was raised in a two parent household, and like any other family , we have our share of flaws. But at 25, I thank God for both of them. While my mom gave me my emotional stability, values, ability to love and societal interaction standards, my Dad gave me the faith - he taught me to never stop dreaming. He taught me how to be an eternal optimist, and he gave me unshakeable spritual strength that has seen me through tough times. In summary, both male and female role models are pivotal in shaping a child's view of the world.

Now, while it is tempting, I am not going to discuss how our culture influences these gender stereotypes , leading to such notions that a woman's primary role is somehow within the family as a mother or a wife, no matter if she is a heartbeat away from the US presidency/vice-presidency, whereas a man is judged solely based on his political career.

Sarah Palin gets judged based on her hairdo, the length of her skirts, her beauty pageants, her children's pregnancies,and her Downs syndrome infant. Now, don't get me wrong, the question about how she will balance her life and work is a legitimate question for a concerned citizen. But why isn't anyone asking her husband what his role will be when/if the family makes the transition from Alaska into the Beltway?

After all, this question has been posed to Michelle Obama multiple times over the past year or two, and here is what she had to say "I think it's a unit that raises a child. As far as I'm concerned in this couple, Barack is the person who has the skill, the inclination, the desire, the ability, to be in politics. I have no desire. So that's a good thing, in my view, since someone has to be focusing on the kids -- and that's me. But it could easily be him. There's no reason why the nurturing has to come from Mom -- it just has to be there.. And if Mom is president, that's cool, as long as Dad or someone is going to their baseball games, is listening to their stories and their issues. There's got to be someone in a kid's life who makes them feel central....

..And if Barack is fortunate enough to serve this country as president, we will be honored. But it will be a hard transition for those little girls. They'll be going on 11 and 8. They'll be leaving the only home that they've known. Some one's got to be the steward of that transition. And it can't be the President of the United States. It will be me.( Courtesy : LHJ)"

So what is Todd Palin's take on how he will support Sarah Palin and her family as she transitions into her job ? Isn't it high time America asked that question?

Well played !

2008-08-29T12:02:00.002-04:00

I have to say this - WELL PLAYED McCain ! Very well played, and smart move!

This is like - an extremely close soccer game that just went into extra time :) Or even a shoot-out, for that matter :)

Obama's religion - Why does America care ?

2008-08-21T09:35:00.015-04:00

The Obama campaign has run a memorable election campaign so far. It is monumental for many reasons. I personally have witnessed just two elections in my stay here so far, but this election is way different that the previous one, the absence of Dubya notwithstanding.

Firstly, for the first time in recent history, American politics and the election process itself has received unprecedented publicity. After all, when you hear an average man in an Indian village enquire about Obama on the phone, you know you have struck gold. If you don't believe me, replay the Berlin address. A crowd of 65,000 non-Americans , and usually tight-lipped Germans at that, cheering loudly a man who is not the president of the United States. He is not a president incumbent, hell , he is not even the formal nominee - still presumptive nominee of one of the parties of the country.

Secondly, this man and his campaign has generated tremendous interest and following among young voters. Facebook's 24 year old CEO as one of his chief strategists, Obama has used technology to effectively redefine the way campaigns and fundraisers are run. And yes, he does use our CRM product to run these campaigns and that makes me very proud, but the point to carefully observe here is that the campaign does not just send out random emails at all times of the day. Very carefully worded , crisp messages sent at appropriate times. Admirably, the Obama campaign has declared that it will announce his VP choice to his supporters first, and voters can sign up or send a text message to be put on a list. Millions of emails and phone numbers gathered at one go - that is just very smart campaign tactics. Supporters can also sign up to see local members and start groups in their neighborhood.

Thirdly, of course, is the extraordinary distance this man has come so far, with an unusual sounding name and relatively no D.C. experience. This fact alone is a testament to what smart politics can do in an election. But since he became the presumptive nominee, the Obama clan has run a clean race so far. In fact, far too clean in my opinion. Clearly , Mr.Grandpa and his supporters could stoop so low as to compare him with Britney and Paris after his landmark trip abroad. This man Obama, carried himself with such poise they did not think was possible from this newbie. On the one hand, he is the presumptive nominee of the democratic party, challenging the current president's international policies but on the other hand he represents America to the world. That is a very fine line to walk. And he did walk that like with confidence, winning millions of supporters abroad with his message of hope and cooperation.

But here is where I , as a relative outsider to this country get confused. Michelle fist- bumped Barack , so what? Obama's middle name maybe Hussain , so what ? In a country as liberal as America, a country that goes to war to end religious segregation, why is the media unforgiving? A nationally acclaimed magazine, the New Yorker , no less portrays him in a white turban , with his - wait I cannot continue to describe this obscenity.It is crass, ridiculous and paints a very racist, culturally intolerant picture of the US to the world, satirical though it was intended.

That leads me to the actual intent of the New Yorker article, and this post. For one, Obama is different (e.g. looks, culture) from any other politician this country has seen before, which in itself shocks me. I come from a country that has had a president from the religious minority and a woman prime minister. These people were some of the best rulers the country ever witnessed. Oh, and it almost slipped my mind, we now have a woman president, too , but that's a rant I ll save for later.

Anyway, countries that have traditionally been considered conservative by the West - India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Indonesia,Israel,Bangladesh,Turkey have all had minority/women heads of state. Granted, there has been an increasing awareness about religious terrorism here in the US since 9/11. An awareness is healthy, even necessary to open America's eyes to what has been going on for centuries in the rest of the world. But by boxing all people that belong to a particular religion as somehow alien and potentially dangerous, isn't America going down the same path as it's offenders ?

What if Obama is indeed a Muslim ? Does that make him any less American ? Does that make him any less patriotic ? There have been no records so far pointing to any of the above.Frankly the hypocrisy is shocking. On the one hand, Americans talk about celebrating diversity and take great pride in their political correctness. Yet, on the other hand,you see a three page statement issued by the Obama campaign with detailed references to his genealogy and religious practices. Has there ever been a non-white, or non-male, or a non-Christian president in the world's most liberal country?

Is the U.S. ready for a different president this time around? Only time will tell, but one thing is for sure, every country comes with its own set of hypocrisies, prejudices and emotions. Social diversity, economic, education and scientific advancement notwithstanding. Because ultimately , a country is its people, and people, are just that - human.

PS : An alternate title for this post reads " I can write an op-ed too :)"

What is home ?

2008-08-14T10:01:00.002-04:00

It seems like another life, another time.Aeons away.

Yet , just four years ago, this day, I landed here.

And eight years ago, I left home.

But, what is home, really ?

Thank God for YouTube !

2008-08-13T13:25:00.004-04:00

Abheri is like a beautiful, shy girl. Much like the way Jodha catches herself eyeing Akbar on a sunny,sweaty swordfight practice morning. Suddha Dhanyasi is not far behind either. Consequently it is hard to tell them apart,sometimes. Karnataka Devagandhari,Bhimplas and Dhanasri make our make lives more complicated. But that is not the intention of this post. (I have finally learnt how to embed videos on blogger, but that is not the intention of this post either.)

"Narayana ninna namadha" - Purandharadasa pours emotion and Bhakti into this song, and what better raaga to express this than Suddha Dhanyasi.Listen to the song, and you will not notice a thing. Ranjani starts virutham in Saveri and Gayathri takes over. The first line is in Saveri and then she transitions over to Suddha Dhanyasi.

About 2:11 minutes into the video something happens. As Gayathri transistions to Suddha Dhanyasi, she ends the first line in a barely audible "Pa" that sets the stage. The violinist follows, except she thinks it is hindolam so plays the hindolam "Dha" instead. If only looks could kill, the violinist would be RIP by now. And then Gayathri proceeds to show elaborate the raagam a little more, and the accompanist catches on. All in the wink of an eyelid, almost transparent to the naked eye.

Until a little thing called YouTube caught on. With its action replays and viral nature , it has become the third umpire, an unfailing,sometimes harsh judge. But this is also a testament to the knowledge of the rasikas out there. That is just very good carnatic music in my book.

Suddha Dhanyasi - Arohanam : SGMPNS

Avarohanam : SNPMGS

Hindolam - Arohanam : SGMDNS

Avarohanam : SNDMGS

Suddha Dhanyasi Vs Hindolam on YouTube

The last lecture

2008-08-06T21:49:00.005-04:00

I went to grad school. Ergo, I know what lectures are like. The phdcomic fan in me would already conjure images of bingo and writing poetry, playing tic tac toe or a combination of all three during a professor's lecture.

But what is remarkable about the last lecture, is its simplicity. Honest , straight from the heart. No academic gibberish. No euphemisms, just straight talk. From a man who is (was)dying. I will admit though, that the publicity was cloying. It transformed the legacy of a great man to near-Britney like celebrity hype.

I don't know what it was about today. Maybe the stress of the past few days. Maybe an emotional high thanks to a birthday with loved ones. The realisation that somehow a quarter century passed by. Will there be a witness ? Does it go unnoticed? Maybe it was Ranjani and Gayathri singing "Rangapura Vihara." Just close your eyes and I promise you can experience that light, subtle shringara rasa sweeping you off your feet. If you have another level , that is. But I digress. It was just a reflective mood and I was reading this.

The book, the letter from the President, the Pittsburg day, the scuba diving, the lobbying, the elephant in the room. And then the post about Dylan turning six. A photo in the local photobooth done as pastel painting.

It moved me to tears. Human fraility. How we all, at some level, prepare ourselves for the inevitable. How it still hits hard when it happens. How we all live with the pain, how we move on.

And how family is the most important thing in everyone's life. How a dying man can teach us priorities.

Randy Pausch, RIP.

2008-07-17T10:54:00.002-04:00

Rachel: $$. Ugh, I mean $$! Monica, do you remember mean old Mrs. Kreeger in the fifth grade? She was $$!

(Insert your official "downhill" age here!)

2008-07-07T19:51:00.004-04:00

Picture Composition

A por ellos

2008-06-30T08:10:00.002-04:00

If you are like me, you've been glued since Euro 96. You've had your heart pounding everytime hot boy Raul Gonzales scored. You've hoped against hope that the team qualified, amidst being in the "Group of Death" in WC 98. Your hopes hit rock bottom after the the Nigeria game and your hopes soared high after they thumped Bulgaria 6-1. When Raul missed the penalty shootout in Euro 2000 you've wanted to kill him. You switched off the TV when they lost to France 3-1 in WC 2006, and promised yourself that you would not get your hopes high. Not for these guys.

But then came Euro 08. You caught sneek peaks at restraunts and news clippings, but you didn't let yourself get into it. Never watch a full game, you told yourself. And then came super-Sunday. You did yourself proud, never once did you glance at the TV. It doesn't matter, you told yourself. I am over it. And then, the casual glance. Voila ! Torres did it ! You couldn't believe it. Offside ? No. Any chance it was a dream ? No. They did it !!!

AND IT WAS AWESOME !!!

And, that's how that ended !

2008-06-18T20:26:00.006-04:00

And it was awesome !

Potter in my backyard..

2008-06-16T10:33:00.002-04:00

Of all the times to be away from Boston, summer is probably the most ill-fitting. Especially when the Queen (Well, for all practical purposes, anyway) flew down to talk to some Harvard grads.

I must admit, the idea took a while to sink in to me. What was she going to talk about ? Compare the Potter - Voldemort duel to the travails of the real world? Talk about how she had the power to change the world and bring kids back to reading?

Of all things she could have talked about , talked about "Benefits of Failure". To a bunch of Harvard Grads, yes. Here is a small excerpt. The full transcript is available here.

"Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.

So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default.

Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above rubies."

Courtesy : harvardmagazine.com

2008-05-22T19:52:00.002-04:00

How much do we take for granted in life ! The vocal chords for instance.. all those days of shouting,singing etc and I just assumed its a given.

Today in the ER, I had a huge revelation. Thank you God, for giving me soo much. I don't appreciate it nearly enough.

Btw.. never want to go there again, but if I had to, couldn't have asked for a better escort that K-ben. You rock gal !

And, we are six now !

2008-05-17T19:45:00.007-04:00

My Chitti thinks I have the most adorable yawn she has ever seen.Wait till she sees my smile. Hey, thats just my job - eating,pooping,sleeping and - well just being adorable. But mostly sleeping. They talk too loud, and whats with the doors they bang? Don't these people know that my tiny ears can't take this ? Oh well, I ll just sqirm a little and make little noises, and then my mommy holds me. It feels like heaven when she holds me close, its familiar. I also like it when I hold my one arm up , my mommy bends over and kisses me.

My daddy stays near me always, too. I don't open my eyes too much, because, you know all these bright lights I cannot take. But every once a while, I see my dad and chitti playing on a silver square thing. I suspect that playing will be a lot of fun with them. My thaatha holds me softly and talks to me. I squint my eyes, I am fascinated by an orange turban he wears. When I am a little older, I will ask him what that shiny crescent in the middle means..

Oh, its time to be cute again and wail a little so my Paati will hold me. Why does everyone want her to leave me inside that crib? I feel so lonely in there. I want to be held by her, she is soo soft and warm and . Oh and btw, I've taken over my chitti's blog. Why does she need to write here anyway? Alright, I am tired and I am going back to sleep. Bye!

2008-05-14T22:28:00.002-04:00

A tiny mass. Tumultous sea, raging over and treacherous caverns.The howling hurricane waging ferocious battles with the mighty mountain and the steamy sea. A brilliant sun, canoodling with silver waters.A lone yellow flower , braving the onslaught, standing defiantly, as the tiny mass begins the treacherous, yet exciting descent into the world - a world - strange,unknown and unfound. A world that it alone has the power to create....

2008-05-08T18:05:00.003-04:00

In about 45 minutes from now, I am going to watch a Celtics Vs. Cavs. game.

LIVE.

I just had to get this outta my system before I go !!

We - The Rajasthan Royals !

2008-05-03T15:38:00.003-04:00

Rajasthan Royals announces Global Fan Community alliance with BITS Pilani International Alumni Association!

The first international fan base by an IPL team is launched!

Jaipur, 30th April 2008: Emerging Media, owners of the Jaipur IPL franchise, Rajasthan Royals announced a first-of-its-kind global fan alliance by signing an exclusive relationship with BITS Pilani International Alumni Association. With this association Rajasthan Royals will induct over 30,000 BITS Pilani Alumni into the Rajasthan Royals support base, providing all members of the community with special offers, free tickets and discounted merchandise of the Rajasthan Royals.

In addition, the Rajasthan Royals will also contribute to the BITSAA community with special articles written by Shane Warne and a charity auction at a later stage. BITS Pilani, the premier engineering and sciences institution is located in Rajasthan, only 5 hours away from Jaipur. Rajasthan Royals is also extending the benefits of this alliance to over 5000 students and members of faculty of BITS Pilani.

Manoj Badale, Chairman of the Rajasthan Royals said, “We are extremely excited about this partnership. BITS-ians worldwide are a fine representation of India, highly educated, well settled and truly global citizens, yet deeply connected by a certain bond they share. With this alliance, we hope to provide them another reason to bond: supporting a fierce team in the Royals.”“BITS Pilani alumni around the world are rooting for Rajasthan Royal’s victory in the IPL tournament. Go Royals!”, said Professor S.P.Kothari, Chairman of BITSAA, who is currently Deputy Dean at the Sloan School of Management, Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

“This is the foundation of what will be a huge community for us in due course. We have a number of initiatives on the anvil, both online and offline for increased interaction between our global members and of course, the Warnie Army has begun to take shape”, said Ravi Krishnan, Vice Chairman of the Rajasthan Royals Commenting on the relationship, Fraser Castellino, CEO of the Rajasthan Royals said, “Of course, the fact that Pilani and Jaipur share a home in Rajasthan was the primary connection between us. This is another first for us and we look forward to support from the BITS-ians.” With Shane Warne being the only international captain of an IPL franchise and a few fine winning performances, the Rajasthan Royals are already attracting fans from all over the world.

"Rajasthan Royals is the natural home team for the global BITS Pilani Alumni because of the memorable times we spent at Pilani, Rajasthan. BITSians all around the world are rooting for Shane Warne and the team", said Ashish Garg, CEO of BITSAA.

As part of this deal BITSians around the world will get:

• 50% discount on all season tickets for all Home Games (Played at Jaipur)

• 20% discount on purchase of 10 or more tickets for specific games (i.e not season tickets).

• Free tickets for home games that BITSAA will raffle to its members for specific promotions

• 50% discount to BITSians who may want to purchase a VIP box for the season

• Special tickets to RR away games like the ones in Bangalore, Chennai, Mumbai, Delhi and Kolkata

• Discounts on RR merchandise

• Articles from Shane Warne and other Rajasthan Royals players for the Alumni Magazine, Sandpaper 2.0

For the millionth time - I am proud to be a BITSian :)

As the red earth and pouring rain....

2008-05-03T11:49:00.002-04:00

"yaayum yaayum yaaragiyaro
endhaiyum nundhaiyum emmuraik kelir
yaanum neeyum evvazhi aridhum
chembulap peyalneer pola
anbudai nenjamdhan kalandhanave"

..... As the red earth and pouring rain....

- Found, London Subway.

2008-04-29T11:21:00.002-04:00

Kadhalagi Kasindhu Kaneer Malgi
Odhuvar thammai nanneerikku uyipadhu
vedham naangin meiporul aavadhu
Naadhan naamam namachivayave

Bearing Witness

2008-04-09T12:39:00.004-04:00

"..... I was 15-and-a-half, and I was thrown into a haunted universe where the story of the human adventure seemed to swing irrevocably between horror and malediction. I remember, I remember because I was there with my father. I was still living with him there. We worked together. We returned to the camp together. We stayed in the same block. We slept in the same box. We shared bread and soup. Never were we so close to one another.

We talked a lot to each other, especially in the evenings, but never of death. I believed — I hoped — that I would not survive him, not even for one day. Without saying it to him, I thought I was the last of our line. With him, our past would die; with me, our future.

The moment the war ended, I believed — we all did — that anyone who survived death must bear witness. Some of us even believed that they survived in order to become witnesses. But then I knew deep down that it would be impossible to communicate the entire story. Nobody can. I personally decided to wait, to see during 10 years if I would be capable to find the proper words, the proper pace, the proper melody or maybe even the proper silence to describe the ineffable.

For in my tradition, as a Jew, I believe that whatever we receive we must share. When we endure an experience, the experience cannot stay with me alone. It must be opened, it must become an offering, it must be deepened and given and shared. And of course I am afraid that memories suppressed could come back with a fury, which is dangerous to all human beings, not only to those who directly were participants but to people everywhere, to the world, for everyone. So, therefore, those memories that are discarded, shamed, somehow they may come back in different ways — disguised, perhaps seeking another outlet.

Granted, our task is to inform. But information must be transformed into knowledge, knowledge into sensitivity and sensitivity into commitment.

How can we therefore speak, unless we believe that our words have meaning, that our words will help others to prevent my past from becoming another person's — another peoples' — future. Yes, our stories are essential — essential to memory. I believe that the witnesses, especially the survivors, have the most important role. They can simply say, in the words of the prophet, "I was there."

What is a witness if not someone who has a tale to tell and lives only with one haunting desire: to tell it. Without memory, there is no culture. Without memory, there would be no civilization, no society, no future.

After all, God is God because he remembers. "

- Eli Weisel as read in "This I believe" , NPR Apr 7,2008.

2008-04-07T13:11:00.004-04:00

We walked into the Wong Auditorium @MIT a few minutes late. It was rainy,windy,and cold. The walk didn't help either.As we walked in, he was just getting done with his Varnam.

Sikkil Gurucharan. All I knew before this concert was that he was from the Sikkil lineage, and if his youtube videos were anything to go by, talented. As I sat there, he started with a "Kannadai" followed by composition in Bhavapriya. The Karaharapriya main peice was effortless, crisp and fast.

Not once during the Aalapanai did I feel the need to get out and get some fresh air, as is the case with people who sing Thodi and Kalyani. Yes, I judge people who sing Thodi as the main peice. Even as the sub-main. Call me a snob, I don't care. Thats how much I hate Thodi. Are you people heartless slobs? Music is all about feeling. Bhaavam. Character. Emotions.Yes, it has to do with complex math, arithmetic and geometric progressions. But in a way that embellishes the mood set by the Raaga. These progressions have to flow, it cannot be forced upon the listener.Granted these raagas are "strong" , but they fail to invoke any emotion in me. Its not the fact that they are melakarthas. Believe me. I love Shamugapriya. It has depth, it has beauty.

But somehow Thodi and Kalyani - Trite. Done to death.Beaten, used.Cloying.Its like seeing the Microsoft default desktop and crooning "Wow!! Soo pretty". Or, eating a store-bought and microwaved mac and cheese, and saying "you are the best cook in the world". Or going to every damn ice-cream shop in the world and ordering vanilla ice-cream everytime.Shut up !! It makes me want to rip my hand off just so I can hit these people. And don't even get me started on the Aadi thaalam kalyani Thyagaraja krithi. (No offense to the great composer - it's just a BANAL combo!)

Anyway, now that I have offloaded my rants, let me get on with the concert review. Where were we? Oh, yes. The Kharaharapriya main peice. It was fast-paced , and Nagai Sriram on the violin did an amazing job. Neyveli Skandasubramanian as always , was brilliant on the mridangam and the whole peice was orchestrated beautifully.

I want to take a moment and talk about a beautiful Panchalinga krithi called "Ananda Natanaprakasam" set to Kedaram. Composed by my favorite trinity Sri Muthuswamy Dikshitar, Gurucharan knocked this one out of the park . He was simply brilliant. I want to emphasise why this part was sooo fasinating to us. No offence to the yesteryear stalwarts, you guys were good, but IMHO the male singers of yore while being technically competent,weren't particularly bhava-centric. In other words, they catered more to people's brains rather than emotions. Since Yesudas and Unnikrishnan, things have changed, and I am thrilled to see that the modern day singers including Sanjay Subramaniam and Gurucharan modulate voices and notes to enhance the emotion of the raaga. We were mesmerized by his Kedaram - He made us want to run home,search this song online and learn it ASAP.

Gurucharan proved that he is an artiste of professional caliber as he presented an RTP in Reethigowlai. (My fascination for this raagam started since - you guessed it "Azhagana Ratchasiye.") A semi- elaborate raagam and a quick thaanam later, we were treated to a swara spelt of Reethigowlai, gowlai, kannadagowlai and kedaragowlai. Borrowing from the Gowlai Pancharatna, Gurucharan effectively used manodharma to string together unusual swara patterns.

Another example in point about how contemporary carnatic music has evolved is when, seeing our puzzled faces trying to figure out the raaga that followed after gowlai, he gave out the name of the raagam as soon as he was done with the swarams and Nagai sriram was exploring Kannadagowlai. It saved me a whole lot of thinking, going crazy, and searching online. :)

The concert was wrapped up with a a virutham followed by a bhajan,Javali in Paras, the behag thillana and the Mangalam.

Some nuances in concert that may not have been apparent yesterday : Gurucharan took particular care in choosing raagams (no repetitions, no janyas or similar sounding ones), composers (all major composers covered), languages (Telugu,Tamil,Hindi,Sanskrit,Kannada),types of krithis (from the Varnam,thillana,RTP,bhajans to the oft-forgotten javali, devara viruththam), thaalam (Aadi, rupakam,mishra chapu, kanda chapu and a thaalam that I haven't quite figured out yet - no complete lagu and one dhrutham). His Hindi pronounciation was perfect, with no hint of the southie accent.

Overall, I was very impressed. This guy is definitely someone to watch out for.

Fine Print : I swear the fact that he is in his early twenties (and good looking) did not affect this review at all ;)

Birthday Wish

2008-03-25T16:31:00.002-04:00

I know, I know. It's still four months away. But I thought I'd throw it out there. Here it is.

I want to meet Sonu Nigam in person.

2008-03-19T22:29:00.001-04:00

"Like a night in the forest
Like the mountains in springtime
Like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert
Like a sleepy blue ocean"

A black Legacy, my iPod playing this song, four friends sharing a quiet scenic moment driving by the Little Miami River - A priceless summer. Thank you guys, for those wonderful,wonderful times.

In my City this weekend...

2008-03-15T08:35:00.004-04:00

So it's the Shamrock weekend, and if you are into this holiday at all, obviously there's no other place to be (other than Ireland itself) than Southie.

But here is something I didn't know Cambridge was doing. They actually provide free cab rides home from pubs today and tommorow. :) Read this.This city never fails to amaze me!

Happy St.Patrick's ! Stay safe !

March....

2008-03-09T22:25:00.000-04:00

Some things never change

2008-02-27T21:48:00.006-05:00

So here I was,at Couz's place for the long weekend,in NH.Over Chai and Namkeen, we yapped away to glory, realising that nothing much had changed over all these years.A prolific blogger and a partner-in-crime in school, we laughed at how the more the number of tests we had the next day, the more we kept away from studying.

I don't know if this is a blogger trend across the board, but I personally am at my blogging prime (only) when I have neck-wringing deadlines the next day.Today is no exception.Another long night looming, I set to work and turned to youtube for some musical entertainment.I heard Kaavaavaa after a long time. I couldn't resist this post. So here goes :

Before you read this though, I highly recommend listening to this.

I have always been fascinated by the folklore around Lord Muruga,and that was definitely a big part of the charm in this composition. But it was also Varali.The Gandharam in Varali just mesmerizes me. Pay attention to the "PMG..R" prayogam used throughout the composition. As the song progresses, also pay attention to the ucha sthayee "RGMGR" in the "Valli Deivayani" bit. Its the Ri and Ga that just completely bowl me over.

On another note,I also highly recommend "Kaana Ayiram Kan Vendum", again another composition on the peacock God, by Nithyashree.This song was on my loop list in musicindiaonline all the time. You can also see the video here. Set to Abheri, the virutham draws out the complete essence of Abheri,and the transition from the virutham to the krithi is just soo fascinating.

Thank God for Music !

Two hour update :

I've expressed variations of this before - like I miss India, or friends and family, many ,many times I've said I miss Bangalore. But at this very moment, I feel a huge, huge longing to walk the streets of Pondy Bazaar. More importantly I want to be here, listening to this. Sure, over the next two months, I am going to have my fair share of concerts to listen to in Btown. But its not the same. The fake accents, the heavy jewellery,the zari'ed pattu podavais notwithstanding, there is something magical about sitting at Nungambakkam Cultural Academy listening to a Suddha Dhanyasi, hearing a nondescript passerby critique it better than Subbudu.

Here it is - I miss Chennai !

2008-02-25T23:29:00.002-05:00

Many , many lives ago,there was that one sea.One, big and blue.She turned , to glimpse that perfect wave and paused to reflect.She ran toward it,stopping mid way as if her soft feet would somehow mar the wave itself. Her beautiful legs barely touched the the white sands, as she waited for the wave to hit her.She stood right in the middle of it, letting it surround her.

Slowly , the wave receeded. She turned around, confused. The part of her that stood in awe of that perfect wave , was esctatic.It was nirvana to just hear noise and splash all around her. The part of her though, that wished she could ride the wave forever, was pensive.

And then there was, interestingly another part. The part that saw her as she closed her eyes and the wave hit her. The part that somehow attuned to her half-sand kissed figure, wondering why she wasn't soaked to the bones.

And there she stood.As she spread her hands wide and high, she leapt up, as if toward the sky. Her hands pierced the tip of a once-perfect wave, rippling it apart forever.

She felt human.

2008-02-21T23:11:00.004-05:00

When : March 22, 2008 8 :00 AM

Where : Cleveland,OH

What : Duh !

Be there or be square !

The Name Game !

2008-02-18T23:21:00.003-05:00

"Seven."

"Seven Costanza... You're serious?"

"Yeah. It's a beautiful name for a boy or a girl. Especially a girl... Or a boy."

"I don't think so."

"What, you don't like the name?"

"It's not a name. It's a number."

"I know. It's Mickey Mantle's number. So not only is it an all-around beautiful name, it is also a living tribute."

- George and Susan, in "The Seven"

"If I had a son, I would name him Isosceles. Isosceles Kramer."

- Kramer, in "The Handicapped Spot"

Cosmo cracks me up ! Anyway , I couldn't resist one more :

"I happen to dress based on mood."

"But you essentially wear the same thing all the time."

"Seemingly, but within that basic framework there are many subtle variations only discernible to an acute observer that reflect the many moods, the many shades, the many sides of George Costanza."

- George and Jerry, in "The Trip"

2008-02-15T01:48:00.001-05:00

This year :

World 0 Me 1 !

2008-02-13T00:27:00.000-05:00

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

- Maya Angelou (Of Course!)

2008-02-09T02:41:00.000-05:00

Perhaps not too oddly, Anna died that day.

Oddly enough, its one year later, and I still remember it.

Montana Skies !!

2008-02-03T19:35:00.000-05:00

Oh Montana, give this child a home
Give him the love of a good family and a woman of his own
Give him a fire in his heart, give him a light in his eyes
Give him the wild wind for a brother and the wild Montana skies !

2008-01-30T20:23:00.000-05:00

Chicken Soup for the Indian Mother's Soul is coming out pretty soon people ! Please buy it because it has my stories published ! And I am not Vivitsa there, I am my own self !!

And then.....

2008-01-20T17:43:00.000-05:00

When : This morning, at around 10 AM,bright and sunny.

Where: Mass Ave , a few lights before Andrew T.

The Scene: I was waiting on a red light, two lanes both going straight.Before me, was an MIT police car. The lights turned green, and believe me two cars on the opposite lane happily made left turns. The third car ,a Ford explorer, accelarated into the intersection.He saw the police car inches away from him, did not bat and eye,made the left turn and sped away. Everyone looks at the police car....

The Punch : The policeman looks at the Ford,sighs, nods his head, and drives off.

Note to self : Welcome to Boston !

Happy Pongal !

2008-01-12T01:25:00.000-05:00

மாரி மலை முழைஞில் மன்னி(க்) கிடந்து உறங்கும்
சீரிய சிஙம் அறிவுற்று(த்) தீ விழித்து
வேறி மயிர் பொங்க எப்பாடும் பேர்ந்து உதறி
மூரி நிமிர்ந்து முழங்ஙி(ப்) புறப்பட்டு(ப்)
போதருமா போலே நீ பூவைப்பூ வண்ணா உன்
கோயில் நின்று இங்கனே போந்தருளி(க்) கோப்புடைய
சீறிய சிங்ஙாசனத்து இருந்து யாம் வந்த
காரியம் ஆராய்ந்து அருளேலோர் எம்பாவாய்

Key Learnings 2007

2007-12-25T13:24:00.000-05:00

1.Never pass up an opportunity to get tickets online for a desi movie.Make that a capital NEVER EVER if you live in San Jose or Edison.Unless you have some sort of a weird fetish to be shoved inappropriately, and be "solicited" by a few aunties for their prospective nieces/nephews. Trust me.

2.If you have a telephonic interview,it is perfectly OK to wear your jammies and do away with your contacts.There is one caveat though - You need to brush your teeth before an interview.Don't ask me why though.I cannot for the love of God put a finger on this.If you are in the middle of a stimulating chat or phone call, and you are two minutes away from an interview, use the following algorithm. Believe me, it works.Every single time.

Step 1: Is it an East Coast or a West Coast call ? If it is an East Coast caller,switch off your computer and practice sitting in attention.Take deep breaths.

Step 2: If it is a West Coast caller, pause briefly. While a Gchat discussion about whether the Saravana Bhavan in the City or the one in Oak tree has the world's best Aapam is intellectually stimulating, you have an important mail to send out.Open your gmail, and remind your caller that the interview was scheduled at 10 30 AM EST.Chances are, if you wait long enough, you will get an email profusely apologizing the timezone mix up, followed by a murky description of when the next call could be expected.

Step 3 : If it is a hiring manager upwards of a Director, pause again.Point your mouse to the bottom right of the screen and check today's date. If it reads anything beyond November 20th, you need to make a phone call to the HR.Chances are , you might get a call/email in three days confirming that the HR forgot to check the Director's updated vacation schedule.

Step 4 : If it is a Desi calling, Do not pause.Give yourself the day off,get a manicure , visit the neighborhood candle company,indulge yourself in a meaningless chick flick, you get the idea. Also, just when your face is covered in some gooey , minty green paste, expect your phone to ring loudly. Also, expect the caller to say "Hello, yes, I calling about interviewing. What is the difference between a thread and a process?" "Uhhh.." "OK, that's fine, explain memory management" Well, you get the idea.

Step 5 : If all else fails,stop obsessing over that damn phone, and start singing loudly.

3.Do not attempt to tell resemblances between people. Especially if the "person" in question is a tiny peanut about twelve weeks old, and the photo in question is a black and white two by two ultrasound.Apparently, you cannot, and looks change, too.

4.Barbie Dolls are inappropriate gifts for a two and a half year old girl,because of the choking hazard. Even if the lady in question knows all about princesses,fairy tales, and how to make a "paratha burrito."

5.Evidently, I love getting gifts from guys,followed by a bear hug, and a loud "I love you" that anyone within a ten mile radius can hear.Especially when the gift is a chain made of wool, beads and feathers made by a seven year old, especially for me in his art class.

6.You are not crazy to make thousand and odd mile road trips all by yourself,not when you have the best times of your life almost dying on a delirious canoe ride.Or go on a thirteen hour cross country impulsive relocation trip with a friend, and enjoy it soo much, that your forget all serious license and registration quandaries.Or pull an all nighter with your buddies to watch all episodes of "Ohh La La La".Or stay in bed all day and watch chick flicks with your GFs.

7.It takes a hazardous journey in an ice storm,a cramped car,looming deadlines,bad toilets and food deficit to reiterate to yourself how much you love your music and singing.

8.Well,apparently, if you buy your thesis committee some Starbucks coffee and fudge brownies early in the morning, chances are, you will not be hung by a noose in the town center while everyone takes a free lesson in rock-throwing, with you as a target. Well, brownies, and two papers,three years,and the confidence to write a book on frustration management.

9.Well, I am not always as tongue-tied as the time I filled my blog with cartoons.Sometimes, I can actually write.

10.Oh did you know that a cylinder of LPG in India costs about 500 bucks now? Well, that and the fact that there exists a Santro Automatic makes your idea of a one-way ticket to homeland pretty fuzzy and confusing.

11.Do you ever have the kind of questions that I do ? For example, I have always wondered how people who live alone get dressed to go to parties.Especially that little black dress that you look fabulous in and have trouble zipping up.Or the time you fumble with opening cans.Or the time you need to come back to a warm house and some soup.Well apparently the need to have a great roomie is valid.

12.You know how you play Rock-Paper-Scissors and how scissors trumps paper and so on? Well,Family trumps 'em all.

Taare Zameen Par

2007-12-23T23:20:00.000-05:00

No spoilers here, so please feel free to read on !

It was when I was in my fourth standard. I remember Mrs.Ramola, very well. She was my social sciences teacher, and she used to be very fond of me. She was rotund, and had glasses on.Her hair was as frizzy and wavy as mine.She used to ride a bike, and there were times when she used to pick me up from my home, and drop me at school. There were times when, she found me walking on that last stretch to school. She would drop Mrs.Latha , the science teacher, and pick me up and drive that last stretch.

I remember an awful day in fourth standard, it was my Science Quarterly Exams.I received my paper, and it had fail marks on it. I was supposed to have scored 98/100, but my marks were 36. Because I had failed to write the question number for all answers. I remember how my mom cried, ashamed that her house had "a failed" student.Where did I go wrong ? She cried. She cursed me.

I was supposed to be "bright" in school, but it was always overshadowed by my talkativeness,my laziness. There were days when I was made to go back to school in the evening because I had forgotten to note down the day's homework.I got caned many a time. I had issues with my friends, and my mom was always trying to mediate.

It was my 6Th standard, and I was scoring well in Tamil, because my tamil teacher taught my sister, who was always a topper.Until the Parent-Teacher meeting, where my mom casually mentioned all her woes to him - Her first daughter was always a topper, she concentrated, always finished her homework, came home on time,no trouble at all. She spent sleepless nights worrying about her younger one, because I was lazy, did not pay enough attention, picked up fights, rebelled, always playful, did not "sit down to do hard work" and so on.In the next exam, I barely passed Tamil. So much for a helpful mom.

I was always called "bright" by my teachers. Somehow they felt I just did not try hard enough.I remember being called a "problem child" more than once when I was a kid. My childhood was one big blur.The images of my school that stuck in my head was a mixture of standing outside the class, getting hit on the knuckles,getting into fights with guys and so on. But I remember Mrs.Ramola vividly. For some strange reason, she loved me.Once a week, every Friday, she divided the class into boys and girls, and conducted a quiz. I was the star of this session, and everyone looked up to me to win.The days when I was absent, the girls lost.It was the first time I was ever the best at something,and that meant a whole lot to me.

I also remember participating in all possible extra curricular activities, mainly as a way to get away from school. I remember how I used to fear telling my parents about the latest painting competition or elocution , or singing. Invariably after the usual discourse about how I should stop all this and focus on academics, my mom ferried me around. My sister helped with the speeches, my mom heard me sing, and taught me lyrics.And then I started winning some of these.

But academic experiences at that dreaded school only got worse.The competition was fierce,and the teachers , merciless.I did have my favorites, and I learnt from some, I despised most others. It was like I was serving time. But luckily, we moved away to a different city.

My fortunes changed drastically after I enrolled in this one school. The principal was friends with my music teacher and was a great music enthusiast.She was a strong believer in encouraging extra-curricular activities of children.She had heard me sing before,and took me in.Everything started on a positive note. I started participating in debates, quizzes, oratory, and of course music competitions. Those two years saw me on top of the competition circuit in my city. I was looked up to, and respected.

This confidence spilled over to academics, too.I had an image to live up to, and it made me want to try harder.I started going well in school, occasionally topping the class too.I managed to pass out of high school, got into a pretty good college and so on.I cannot imagine going to a better suited undergrad college than BITS.Mainly because I do not respond well to authority, and a "one size fits all" mentality of educational institutions. In that sense, I consider myself incredibly fortunate.I never attended classes, but I performed when it mattered. I cracked some courses out of shape, and never cared about the rest.I was too engrossed in my vocal performances, committees, meetings and friends to care. I had the best time of my life.

Maybe I am a rebel, sometimes without a cause , too. Maybe I am anti-establishment.But that is who I am. I need to be in an atmosphere that doesn't stifle and strangle me to death. Be it work, school or societal interactions.

Today I watched "Taare Zameen Par".I need to own this one on DVD, like RDB.Aamir says, each child is special. I say, Amen to that Brother!I really hope everyone in India watches it. Especially your "Strict Disciplinarian Uncle" and "Orderliness and Regularity Aunt."

On an entirely different note : After a hiatus of about three years, today has seen a return to "personal blogging", a style I thought I would NEVER embrace.Is this style here to stay? Wait and Watch. Happy New Year Folks !!

Veggie and Proud of it

2007-12-22T09:49:00.000-05:00

I was born and raised a vegetarian.But, I am a vegetarian by choice. It is not about a religion, its just out of personal choice. And while I am pro-choice about this one and believe that people should feel free to whatever they want to eat,I couldn'thelp but think back at some reasons why people eat meat. My guess is, as societies evolved in different parts of the world, the idea was to eat whatever was available.Like, for instance, where are you going to find fresh, green leafy vegetables in the middle of the Arabian desert ? That , also explains why different religions have different rules about meat eating.

But, in today's world,any kind of food is ready available,regardless of seasons,geography or climate.There is absolutely no dearth or difficultly in procuring food.So my idea is, I am not living near the Arctic Circle, so why should I stop being a vegetarian ?

Oh, and for those people who ridiculously argue that meat helps you build muscle/strength and that everyone *should* eat meat to be "strong", I have only one thing to say : Ever seen an Elephant ? Weighs about 13,000 pounds, and is about 12 feet high?Strength, yes. Guess what an elephant is : A pure vegetarian. So stop being silly and go home.

Some FAMOUS VEGETARIANS :

Courtesy : http://pw2.netcom.com/~axleplus/stuff/veggie/celebs.html

Franz Kafka
Charlotte Bronte
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Henry David Thoreau
Sir Isaac Newton
Mahatma Gandhi
George Bernard Shaw
Leo Tolstoy
Mark Twain
H.G. Wells
Milton
Henry Ford
Leonardo Da Vinci
Charles Darwin
William Wordsworth
Thomas Edison
Plutarch
Pythagorus
Socrates
Nikola Tesla (Inventor)
Diogenes
Albert Schweitzer
Ovid
Voltaire

Vincent Van Gogh
Susan B. Anthony
Plato
Zoroaster
Martin Luther
Clara Barton
Elvis Costello
Dave Davies (Kinks)
Bob Dylan
Peter Gabriel
Joan Armatrading
Davey Havok (AFI)
Moby
Siouxsie Sioux
Joe Jackson
Billy Idol
Kate Bush
Chrissie Hynde
Brad Pitt
Alec Baldwin
Pamela Anderson
Steve Martin
Christie Brinkley
Cathy Dennis

Desmond Howard
Edwin Moses
Martina Navratilova
Kathy Johnson
(1980 Gymnast of Year)
Bill Pearl (Bodybuilder)
Alicia Silverstone
Eric Stolz
Jennie Garth
Liv Tyler
Dennis Weaver
Michael J. Fox
Jerry Seinfeld
Brigitte Bardot
Dustin Hoffman
Virginia Madsen
Anthony Perkins
Woody Harrelson
David Duchovny
Richard Gere
Natalie Portman
Ricki Lake
Ted Danson
William Shatner

Tommy LaRussa
Anthony Peeler (NBA)
Bill Walton (NBA)
Robert Parish (NBA)
Billie Jean King
Joe Namath
Peter Buck (REM)
Martin Gore (Depeche)
Fiona Apple
Sinead O'Connor
Boy George
Steve Howe (Yes)
Scott Adams (Dilbert)
Clive Barker
Berke Breathed
(Bloom County comic strip)
Richard Bach
Henry Heimlich M.D.
Donnie LaLonde
(Light Heavyweight Champ)
Dave Scott
(5x Ironman Triathlon winner)
Killer Kowalski
Jack LaLanne

k.d. Lang
Richard Thompson
Lene Lovich
Morrissey
Annie Lennox
Julian Cope
Lenny Kravitz
Prince (the symbol guy)
Captain Sensible
James (whole band)
Belinda Carlisle
Emmylou Harris
Joaquin Phoenix
River Phoenix
Candice Bergen
Larry Hagman
Charlotte Ross
Olivia Newton John
Christy Turlington
Vanessa Williams
Rosanna Arquette
Kevin Eubanks (Leno)
Kim Basinger
Orlando Bloom

Johnny Marr (Smiths)
Meatloaf (?yes!)
Natalie Merchant
Wendy O' Williams
Shania Twain
Jeff Beck
John Lennon
& Yoko Ono
Paul McCartney
& Linda McCartney
Ringo Starr
& Barbara Bach
Princess Diana
Todd Oldham
(fashion designer)
Leonard Cohen
Steven Jobs (Apple)
Chelsea Clinton
Ziggy Marley
Kraftwerk (whole band)
Sarah McLachlan
Eddie Vedder
Robert Smith (Cure)
KRS-One

Amy Ray (Indigo Girls)
Grace Slick
Steve Vai
Paula Cole
Phil Collen (Def Leppard)
Rick Savage (Def Leppard)
Bob Barker
(The Price is Right)
Tobey Maguire
Rhea Perlman (Cheers)
Sara Gilbert
Lisa Rinna (Melrose)
Captain & Tennille
Consolidated (the band)
Don McLean
(wrote "American Pie" song)
Michael Bolton
Lisa Loeb
Marina Sirtis (Star Trek)
Mary Tyler Moore
Marilu Henner
Meredith Baxter
Peter Cushing
Reese Witherspoon

Don Imus
Peter Bogdanovich
Anthony Robbins
(Motivational Coach)
Cesar Chavez
(United Farm Workers) Cassandra Peterson
(the "Elvira" character)
Thora Birch
(Ghost World creator)
Susannah Hoffs
(from The Bangles) Carter Beauford (DMB)
Boyd Tinsley (DMB)
Daniel Johns (Silverchair)
Bryan Adams
Andre 3000 (OutKast)
Steve Morse (Deep Purple)
Lisa Simpson & Apu
"Weird" Al Yankovic
Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers)
Johnny Rotten
The Roots (whole band)
Minor Threat (whole band)

George Harrison (Beatles)
Jon Anderson (Yes)
Larry Mullen (U2)
Carl Lewis
(Winner of 17 Gold Medals)
Erykah Badu
Bonnie Hunt
Lindsay Wagner
(The Bionic Woman)
Keenan Ivory Wayans
Linda Blair (Exorcist)
Drew Barrymore
Matt Groening
(creator of The Simpsons)
Susan Powter
Traci Bingham (baywatch)
Milo Ventimiglia [GG]
Mike Farrell
RZA [Wu Tang]
Raekwon [Wu Tang]
Ghostface [WT]
Prodigy [Mobb Deep]
Russell Simmons
Spice Williams (stuntman)

Marv Levy (Buffalo Bills)
Gillian Anderson (X-Files)
Demi Moore
Betty White (Golden Girls)
Rue McClanahan
(Golden Girls) Jane Goodall
Dwight Yoakum
Naomi Watts
Michael Tsarion
Don Piraro
(created Bizarro cartoon)

I am crazy about....

2007-12-08T00:10:00.000-05:00

This "new" song - Kelamal Kaiyil from ATM. I thought it was Anuradha Sriram, Saindhavi sounds soo much like her.Something about this song is very addicting, I thought. Then I found these lines:

"Kaetu rasitha padal ondrai
meendum indru nyabagam thoonda"

And these lines at the end :

"Paarkum Megangale
pogum nerangale
paarkum Megangale
pogum nerangale
etho nadakinrathe"

and then two more lines - the basic idea being it was mesmerizing. And guess what - "Agaya Vennilave" That's what it was intended to sound like!!! This beautiful Dharbari Kaanada reminds me of the song in the Hindi version of Khushi - "Aye Re Aye Re Khushi" that goes "Dheem thanana dir dir ..."

Darbar is, in itself a beautiful, strong Raaga. Combine it with the pure romance of Kaanada, and you've got yourself the perfect music high. Oh! Life is beautiful !

My Top Five Dhabari Kaanadas :

NataBhairavi Janyam 20 ( Not Karaharapriya 22)
Aa: N2 S R2 G2 R2 S M1 P D1 N2 S
Av: S D1 N2 P M1 P G2 M1 R2 S

1. Malare Mounama : The male aalap interlude ,the liberal use of the G2 Ghandharam.

2.Katre Yen Vasal : Again good G2, but most importantly , the Kaishiki Nishadha Prayoham and the "M1 R2" notes in succession.

3. Nee Katru Naan Maram : Textbook use of the Raagam, it could have easily been a krithi if not for the lyrics.Classic and wonderful.

4. Kalyana Thernila : The "P D1 N2 S" phrase used throughout the song.A simple arrangement, gets the point across as perfectly as the Arohanam itself.

5.Atrai Thingal Vanidam : This is a little tricky, it is probably not even classic Dharbari Kaanada. The "M1M1 R2 S" in the female "Adi thoda,mudi thoda aasai perigida,nerum pala vitha pari baashai" is when the Raaga gently presents itself.Subtle,classy.

Special mention : Sonu's high pitched " Is Pyaar ko mein kya naam dun..." and "Nainaheen ko Raah Dikha Prabhu..."

I am going back to my musical ecstasy... So Long !

2007-12-05T09:57:00.001-05:00

High seas and a barrell full of gin,

A full-moon augurs a pirate's sin

Men revel, a booty and yuletide cheer in tow

Morrow brings a sweetheart's shy bow

The hour of reckoning is fast approaching

The crack of dawn and everyone's gone

A glimmer in the mist,like God's own fist

All eyes glued to the thickening mist

A minute, an eternity, what do you know

A beautiful castle and a sprightly doe

I cannot promise you a fairy tale so nice

but sleep o'little one,I will hold you tight!

Orkut Tackiness 101

2007-12-02T18:31:00.000-05:00

Three years here and I have gone from being an Orkut addict to an infrequent, reluctant Orkut user. I guess it can be compared to the time you were addicted to F.R.I.E.N.D.S and you thought it was the coolest show in the whole wide world ?(Well, it still is, I own a collector's edition and can recite most of the stuff by rote, but that's not the point!) You then move on to other stuff - O.C, That 70s show, Two and a half men, even revisiting the M.A.S.H addiction.

Similarly I have outgrown Orkut and turned to Facebook over the last year or so. I still have an Orkut account, because, let’s face it, it is still the most popular social networking site in India. And I have discovered that little guy who was in kindergarten when I was the 10th grade school monitor, and such cute stuff.

Now - Top 10 things that make your tackiness monitor skyrocket on Orkut :

1.Really long nonsensical profile names , with sms-ised "speelin lik dis and dat ma bes frnd is gng awy 2day " if you get my drift.

2. Heroes/Heroines as profile pictures - combine it with "shez ma angel luks kewl na" and you have yourself a winner!

3. 136 photos on the album, that would invite an unwitting onlooker to take a look - Only to deal with Surya, Jyothika, Asin(emblazoned with indiaglitz, of course) or a combination of the above three. For the tired eye seeking variety, there is that occasional combat stance of Russell Crowe in Gladiator.

4. A humongous "about me" section - No, I am not talking about verses, poetry, lines from songs and so on. I am talking about pages and pages of misspelled verbal diarrhoea and no punctuation - or grammar for that matter. Followed by arbit URLs and references to testimonials "2 no mor abt me."

5. Passions - a long list of actors and actresses, followed by "franz,chatting,surfin,and ma bike" in that order.

6.256 communities, including “member of too many communities", spamming all these different communities , posting incessantly on "would you date the person above you" or "what song would you dedicate to the person above you" threads.

7. The "ideal match" section - filling it up with "dats a secret" or "will tell when time comes :))" or the tackiest of them all -"keep guessin!!!”

8. Testimonials - huge testimonials with a heart drawn out of zeroes, numerous lines all around saying "love is you" or something to that effect.

9. Couples - putting up same snaps on profile pictures, and having the same profile information, followed by a cheesy "I own this account also."

10. Of course, the hilarious friend requests - the poetry, the lyrics, and the whole nine yards. You didn't think I was going to miss that, did you!!!If you want more, Goltese Falcon has a rip roaring take on "Orkut fraandships".

Over and Out.

2007-11-17T00:05:00.000-05:00

" Guys, I know what I want to order..."

"Do they sell adidas in India ??"

"Sang, look how much weight I've gained..."

Gosh, I sure wish I was there with her right now. The part I miss the most is our little post-12, post-all callers sessions, where we almost go to sleep, and then talk. We talk about each of our past 6-7 birthdays, memorable ones, forgettable ones, men,women,children,growing up and so forth.

We've had "just you and me, let's lock the door, I hate the phonies" birthdays to "lets have a cooking marathon and call the whole world, smear cake, and take snaps" birthdays.

She loves my cake, and she is the biggest fan of my cooking.

Bugsie, Here is to a fabulous 25th. You rock my world gal !

2007-11-07T21:46:00.000-05:00

That ship just sailed

The last plank barely nailed

The vastness a pallid blue

The wave left behind the loser's lone shoe

A moment to pause

And take in the insignificant cause

Until the mighty eagle sweeps by

Barely a wink of an eye

A riot of colors, a brilliant sky

Oh what a wonderful new high !

The End - Continued...

2007-10-14T21:32:00.000-04:00

For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.

Could this be the time to end the end ?

Sometimes I wonder....

The End

2007-05-07T08:31:00.000-04:00

I am leaving on a Jet Plane,

May never be back again

Oh babe, I don't know how it feels to go...

(PS : I have written this post many, many times in my mind, but this is probably the perfect end to a not-so-perfect blog. Thankyou all for those 4 wonderful years. My time is up , and I must go.)

And... Here it is......!

2007-05-03T08:10:00.000-04:00

2007-04-28T18:31:00.000-04:00

Four Years Later...

Different continents, same story...

This time around, was it any less gory?

Different players, same outcome...

you win some, you lose some,

Some players shine and some go away forever,

But no matter what happens,

My favorites always win,

I guess thats the fortunate spin,

Congrats Australia!

PS: McGrath , you will be sorely missed :(

2007-04-22T19:45:00.000-04:00

"It cradles and cherishes, yet
Confiscates as much as it confers."

-Micheal Londry

2007-04-19T21:04:00.000-04:00

Of songless songs and twice told tales

This world has , its share had...

But tired fingers and a numbed spirit

do not a show stop....

Maybe you'll never you, maybe the scars won't show...

Adios !

2007-03-30T18:08:00.000-04:00

........ And I thought this day would never come.........

This day, that age

2007-02-13T21:51:00.000-05:00

Monday, February 14, 2005

The empty self-gifted Hersheys pack lies to one side of the bed.All the chocolates are over,only multi-colored wrappers remain.I try not to glance in that direction, as they would remind me of the once-delicious mouth-watering goodies.Yes, I know chocolates are bad for health.The palate refuses to listen sometimes!!!!Btw.. on a different note,HAPPY VALENTINES DAY FOLKS!!!

Today :

Ate too much. Teeth pains.Gotta use the mouthwash. Watch "Sex and the City". And go sightseeing in Atlanta tommorow.Hate the red and pink riot in the stores. Too much hype.
Btw, HAPPY VALENTINES!

2007-02-04T23:25:00.000-05:00

Your Dominant Intelligence is Interpersonal Intelligence

You shine in your ability to realate to and understand others.
Good at seeing others' points of view, you get how people think and feel.
You have an uncanny ability to sense true feelings, intentions, and motivations.
A natural born leader, you are great at teaching and mediating conflict.

You would make a good counselor, salesperson, politician, or business person.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

My state ejjactly...

2007-02-01T09:42:00.000-05:00

2007-01-31T20:34:00.000-05:00

There was a time when I used to write. And by write, I mean blog - atleast two decent posts per month. Now this blog seems so, deserted.Firewall policies aren't exactly helping.But then , when it came to writing an article as the BWC's(BITSAA Women's council) featured member of the month, all those past posts helped. Well ! All those dreary nights spent holed up inside the lab trying to finish up presentations for Queuing theory weren't exactly futile!! Atleast it helped me ramble on and on in the blog and made its way into a newsletter!

2007-01-24T11:25:00.000-05:00

Yay!! Suddenly blogger is de-firewalled!!

Touchwood!!

Oh baby I am back !!

2007-01-16T18:29:00.000-05:00

Today - I am thankful to God for having a roof over my head, and access to food to keep me warm.

I am soo thankful I don't have to sit out in the freezing cold and flurries and chilly winds forever.

Suddenly , my incessant worry about not finding the perfect iPod FM transmitter, or the perfect CK One air freshener for my car seems so fickle !

2006-12-12T18:16:00.000-05:00

I am a writer now!! Or atleast a journalist... naa.. I am a "book reviewer" if thats even a title!!Anyway, Here are two book reviews of mine, published in the Cincinnati library website!!!

http://www2.cincinnatilibrary.org/goodbooks/reviews/70

The two books I reviewed were : "Goddess for Hire"and "The Kite Runner" !! Enjoy!!!!

2006-12-08T18:08:00.000-05:00

"manmadha nee odi va..
anbudan seeradi va...
minnal pola thulli...
undhan nenjai alli..
inbam malgi naan adava ??"

This is the olden day version of an "item number music" I guess !! Oh those days of yore, where the music was uncomplicated, and lyrics were fun.............

Deepotsav 2006

2006-11-26T05:45:00.000-05:00

And I turned my neck ever so slightly - to avoid glances. I looked up at the Zimmer auditorium, as I have done year after year. I found very few familiar faces. Just a small little strip of faithful old timers, as old as I was, also wondering why they were still in school.

I owed this to myself - for not being there, a year earlier. I needed this, for a lot of reasons I cannot quite comprehend.Its almost as if it is a calling, and I had to do it - Somehow I ended up coordinating the Orchestra for the show. Just as any other show, this one had its share of hitches.In the end, it doesn't matter. The show goes on. And I made some good friends in the process, and felt closer to my music as I hadn't in a long time.

My point made, and I bid adieu to the UC community the way I wanted to - with grace, and diginity. With some anonymous faces and some familiar ones - None too dear or too far present on that day. Just the way life was meant to be.

I've had my share of Deepotsavs, and salsa lessons. I' ve had my krishna carryout binges and late night assignments. I've had belly-aching laughter sessions, and soul-wringing crying sessions. And boy ! What an eventful journey it has been ! And somehow , in the process, I ended up with a few people that are very dear to me. People who will persist in my life. And with that - I think my time has come. I'll exit the stage, and someone else will take over. Because the show has to go on.