musings.....

She woke up. It was darkness all over. But her eyes grew accustomed to it. She knew she couldnt stay. She had to leave. She didnt know where she was going, she just knew she had to keep going. This wasnt her home. Was there a home at all? Or was it so long back she forgot what it felt? She was tired and weary of travelling. But that was the only thing she did. She couldnt just give up and stop. She had to keep going. Was it worth it? Was there a destination at all? If it was the journey, where are those co-passengers anyway? She knew there would be other days, but right now she was soo frustrated with herself and the world at large. She was tired of being a stranger in a strange land. It was like she could stand in the middle of a village square and yell at the top of her lungs, and people would still mill around as usual, and notice nothing. Except she didnt want to yell. She walked with them, but she couldnt identify herself with them, nor they with her. There were people who tried, there were people she wanted to try.She spoilt some herself. Some were just not meant to be.And then there were others....

Was it just her not trying hard enough? Sometimes she had to answer a yes. She had travelled so much, that she was tired of the whole charade. She would find people , and then they had their paths to go, or she had hers.It was like "Ok, so you are bored, I am bored of walking alone, so lets keep up a mindless chatter till the corner of the street, where I turn left and you go straight". There were days when her cheeks hurt at the street corner, with the stress of putting up a phony smile. And then there were other days, when she stood at the corner of the street for a long time, watching people, letting go, wishing there was no such street corners anymore in the road ahead.What is with these people anyway, she wondered. Roaming around like they knew where they had to go.Speaking for herself, she had no such illusions.

(to be continued)