musings.....

We were at a batchmates's son's first birthday party yesterday. It was a boisterous affair, and we both had tons of fun - we played our part, we were the sociable guests that tell a good story. As I glanced at this wingie/department-mate/now-social-group-mates - she was pacifying her son, being a good host and such - I saw her best friend, helping out, pitching in, being the insider.

I must admit, a pang of nostalgia/remorse/wee bit of jealousy hit me. I started thinking back to my days in college - my best friends, my closest gang, my peeps - a group of boys and girls (now men and women) I regret that a few of them aren't a part of my life anymore, a few of them just fell by the wayside due to various reasons - timezones, life pressures, babies , what-have-yous. A few of them are still in touch through the million+1 ways of hyper connectedness today - you know what everyone is upto or whats on their minds. With a very few of them its like things never changed.

When I see a group of girls having wing-meets and google-hangouts and wing-skype-lachha sessions, I admit I feel left out. Yes, my husband and I are best friends and we share everything in our lives and I am extremely grateful to God for his presence in my life. I do miss my girlfriends though - all the ones I've made over the years and all the ones that God gave me by way of family. I am in touch with all of them in one way or another - actively or passively, I care for them all in different ways, and I know they wish me only the best.

And then there is the one I lost - for no reason. Or maybe there were reasons, I don't know. And yes, I have told myself a million times that I have tried my best to change that and I can do no more. But when I see my friends, with their BFFs, pacifying each others babies, serving cakes and being there for each other, I do miss her. Call me a sentimental fool but sometimes, there is still that lump in my throat whenever I pass by an Espirit store or listen to Moulin Rouge.

I just hope that when it comes by turn to have these baby-thingies, I'll have my BFFs around me, the ones who I am fortunate to have in my life. They won't be social guests that tell a good story, they'll be the one serving cake.