It is the year 2013. Technically we have less than one month left of it. I was reading a friend's blog post, it inspired me to read my own and write.

Life has gone by at a hectic pace these past few years, and in a good way. Turned 30 this year, bought our first place, started a new job, enjoyed time with family, enjoyed some time off (garden leave again), travelled a bit this year and expecting our first baby in July 2014. Yes, that is quite a record for how many things have gone great in our lives in one calendar year, thank Almighty.

That familiar feeling of something missing has come back again. I used to be the "enthu girl" - unlimited appetite for people, places and merriment. It is so weird when I cannot get enthused for my office Christmas party - black tie, evening wear, the works. Chance to parade my evening gowns when I can still fit into it, get my hair done and so on. Really meet my new colleagues, bond and network late into the night, things I had a voracious appetite for in my sales life. But not this time - all I want to do is curl up and sleep. The fact that I am utterly exhausted doesn't help either. But that's not it either. 

I am not a big fan of winters, and it getting dark at 4 30 PM, I hate it, absolutely. I miss my home - I miss bright and sunny India, I miss the chaos, the sweltering heat, Amma's cooking, I miss it all.

The other day I had to fill out a "get to know each other" questionnaire that supposedly builds teams. First question : Hometown. I suppose it would be Chennai - where I was born and lived for the first 13 years of my life, and where my husband belongs to. But not having lived there in so long, I can't really show anyone around, I suppose so what is hometown really ?

My thoughts drift. I do wonder what baby is doing right now - Baby is about 8 weeks old at this point. Part of me wants to start writing again, just for his/her sake. To give a glimpse into who I was , before the baby. Will it matter ? Would they want to know  ? Would they care ?

Maybe it's Facebook and how much time I spend on it - A lot of my friends, colleagues, acquaintances - they all seem to lead an absolutely fabulous life - painting, stand-up comedy, volunteering, running marathons, travelling the world and it feels like they all have lives that are are far more interesting than mine, until I see my friends for real - and they all lead daily lives, just like me.

There were things I wanted to do before I turned 30 - Travel a bit, meet the right guy, record a carnatic CD,write a book, get fitter, and finish reading my spiritual books, hopefully know a few pages by heart. I have done some of these, I haven't done a few others. But it doesn't matter because the core things are in place, and I have plenty of time to work on the rest. And hopefully my kid will one day look at me and  get to know me as more than just a mom.

 I like goal setting - where I really struggle is the operational rigor to actually stick to a routine. This has been the case with my fitness so far, but hopefully I can set a good example for Kutti there in the future. I also hope to stick to writing a few pages everyday. Even if it is just gibberish. Who knows, maybe I can infuse some creativity into the kids life as they grow up.