musings.....

(Part II continued ... )

And then she made a blogger friend who would also go to the same school as her. And decided to fly away from home a week after she turned twenty one. It was a new country, new place, new friends. She had things to write about. Photos to be posted, trips to be described. And a family to be missed. The blog was alive and well-read.

She considered adoption very seriously. And so she blogged. It caught some attention, although in hindsight, not the right kind. And then she was only too glad to blog for blanknoise, a project aimed at a cause that was dear to her heart. She never considered herself a victim and wasn't about to start now. But she certainly had many things to say , the topic was too close to her heart. She had emotions and she wore it on her sleeve. The blog readership was at its all time high.

And then there was the silence. You saw that. You saw that era of drafts, the era of written sentences, the vague one-liners, the metaphorical anecdotes. And then that time she almost gave up on you. She even had a farewell, adieu, thank you for the good times post. Maybe she even posted it. And then came the post that proclaimed that she would blog for eternity, and maybe her grandkids would read it one day and get to know her. If you think she is being dramatic, well, you don't know her at all :)

It ebbed and flowed for a while. Mostly it flowed for a brief while before it ebbed. Filling the silence with jpgs and cartoon clips. When you have too much to say, you'd rather not say anything at all. And the cryptic haikus and stolen lines. And the metaphors. It was a struggle. At one point, even pointless. And she gave up again.

But life has a its own way of bringing back to you things you hold dearly. And so she continued. But slowly at first. No dramatic re-entries this time around. Vivitsa would be an easy, comfortable place. It was hers.She didn't have to feign. If she wanted to wonder about ending it, she did. If she wanted to write happy birthday posts , she did. If she wanted to write one of those allegorical poems, she did. It was one of those relationships you see between a ninety year old couple at your local breakfast cafe. A few gestures, meaningful smiles, comfortable silences. No point to prove, just a reassuring companionship.

She remembers those long political posts she wrote sitting on the Amtrak during her travels. The short stories written sitting in random airport terminals. Her foray into fiction writing. How the blog held its own special place through all of that. She puts her current three month hiatus in perspective.

There may be times when she'll stay away. There might be times when there is too much to say, where words are simply not enough. And then there will be other days when she'll put thoughts in writing because she has opinions she simply must express. She once tried to classify what vivitsa was to her - a daily dairy? a mixed bag? But now she rests easy, knowing the best things in life are just that. Undefined yet irreplaceable.