musings.....

My parents visited us for a couple of weeks, my mom asked my husband if he reads my blog. Or has heard my songs. I get it. This is something I am about, and my spouse needs to share it etc. But here is another way to look at it : This blog is my personal space in the WWW. Maybe it is OK for couples to seperate lives. How does it matter whether he is a part of this or not ?

In other news, I have discovered my constant need for stimulation. I get bored very easily. And currently I am bored. And when I am bored, my mind goes on overdrive trying to find things to get excited about. I seek friends, but I don't have any here. Really no one I can call and talk to, or just go hangout with. The job is predictable, boring. I've taken it as far as I can go. Need a new challenge. Household is ticking along, which is great. Maybe project reproduction needs to start. (Kids, if you are reading this, we did not decide to have you out of sheer boredom ;)

Is this what marriage is ? Dont get me wrong, I love the idea of coming home to someone, I absolutely love how we are super comfortable around each other, we can relax around each other, we are past the stage where we need to constantly entertain each other. I love our drama free existence, touchwood.  But beyond that, there is a certain ennui that worries me. Or maybe I just come to love the drama that comes with putting our marriage under the microscope and find things to worry about.

Either way , there is a higher purpose to my existence, or so I'd like to think. Marriage is a part of the puzzle, but it isn't the answer. Maybe it is, to some people.  There is still something more that needs to be discovered, that needs to be conquered, something that needs to be internalized. And that discomfort, the feeling that something is missing. It is not pleasant - it is sometimes disconcerting. But it is that period of self-awareness that has also led to some of the best decisions I've made in my life , including meeting my husband.  How long will this phase last and what comes at the end of it ? If only we knew...